package com.sofurry.util;
public class Quotes {
public static String quotes[] = {
"A living example of Artificial Intelligence.",
"A mind is a terrible thing to er hmmmm?",
"A phaser on stun is like a day without orange juice.",
"A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.",
"A single fact can spoil a good argument.",
"A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.",
"A yer ago I kudnt spel progremr now I are won.",
"Air Geordis - TNG footwear",
"Alex, I'll take \"Things Only I Know\" for $1000.",
"All hope abandon, ye who enter messages here.",
"All in a day's work for...\"Confuse-a-Cat\"!",
"All programers are optimists.",
"Always proofread carefully to see if you any words out.",
"An ulcer is what you get mountain climbing over molehills.",
"Are we having Fahrvergnuegen yet??",
"Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.",
"As easy as 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716",
"As I said before, I never repeat myself.",
"As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia.",
"ASCII and ye shall receive.",
"ASCII stupid questionget a stupid ANSI!",
"But I forgot all about the Amnesia Conference!!",
"Buy a supscription to Playboy and send it to your boss' wife",
"Buy American!",
"Can't learn to do it well? Learn to enjoy doing it badly!",
"CAUTION: RIDER MAY BAIL AT ANY TIME",
"Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.",
"Clarvoiants meeting canceled due to unforseen events.",
"Clones are people two.",
"Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades!",
"Cogito ergo spud I think therefore I yam.",
"Come in here, dear boy, have a cigar, you're gonna go far!",
"Committees keep minutes and lose hours.",
"Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space.",
"Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.",
"Confused? Call Counselor Troi 1-900-NCC-1701: $1.95/minute",
"CONgress (n) - Opposite of PROgress",
"Constant change is here to stay.",
"Contentsoftaglinemaysettleduringshipping.",
"Copywight (c) 1993 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.",
"Corrupt REALITY.SYS: Reboot Universe (Y/n)?",
"Courage atrophies from lack of use.",
"Cyclists pump it up and crank it out.",
"Daddy, what does \"Formatting Drive C:\" mean?",
"Damn this hobby is expensive!",
"Dance naked in front of your pets.",
"Death benefits = oxymoron.",
"Death is just God's way of dropping carrier.",
"Death on two legs...you're tearin' me apart !!!!",
"Definition of Terror: A female Klingon with PMS.",
"Dessert? I'll take a piece of cherry.",
"Diagonally parked in a parallel universe.",
"Dinner Not Ready...(A)bort (R)etry (P)izza",
"Discoveries are made by not following instructions.",
"Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them.",
"DO NOT REMOVE THIS TAGLINE (UNDER PENALTY OF LAW)!",
"Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?",
"Do unto others BEFORE they do unto you!",
"DOC files? We don't need NO STINKIN' DOC FILES!",
"Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?",
"Dogs come when you call. Cats have answering machines.",
"Don't be afraid to drive a nail in the wood!",
"Don't drink and park...accidents cause people.",
"Don't steal. The government hates competition.",
"Don't take life too seriously...it's not permanent.",
"Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.",
"DOS never says \"EXCELLENT command or filename, Dude!\"",
"Drive A: format failure, formatting C: instead...",
"Drive C: Error, (A)bort (R)etry (I)gnore (K)ick (S)cream",
"Dumb luck beats sound planning every time. Trust me.",
"Dyslexics are persona au gratin.",
"Dyslexics have more fnu.",
"Dyslexics of the world...UNTIE!",
"Eagles may soar but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines!",
"Eat Healthy, Exercise, and Die Anyway ...",
"Efficiency takes time! Frugality: who can afford it?",
"Energizer Bunny arrested. Charged with battery.",
"Ensign Pillsbury: He's bread Jim!",
"Error reading REALITY.SYS - Universe Halted",
"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?",
"Everyone has photographic memory...some don't have film!",
"Everyone is entitled to my opinion.",
"Facts Just Get In The Way And Impede Progress.",
"Faster than a speeding ticket!",
"FATAL SYSTEM ERROR: Press F13 to continue...",
"FIGHT BACK! Fill out your tax forms with Roman numerals.",
"Floggings will continue until morale improves.",
"For at the end of history lies the undiscovered country.",
"For discussion only. Not to be relied upon.",
"Forget the diet center; send yourself a candygram.",
"General stupidity error reading drive C:",
"Get your filthy hands off my dessert!",
"Go shopping. Buy Stuff. Sweat in it. Return it the next day.",
"Gravity: Not just a good idea...it's the LAW.",
"Gun control is being able to hit your target!",
"Handwritten on a condom machine; \"This gum tastes funny\"",
"Have it OUR way. Yours is IRRELEVANT. At BORGerKing.",
"He who asks timidly makes denial easy.",
"He who laughs, lasts.",
"He's not dead, Jim, he's just metabolically challenged.",
"Hello, I am part number .",
"Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!",
"Help! I'm parked diagonally in a parallel universe.",
"Hey, Worf...I hooked Data up to a Modem...Wanna see?",
"Hi. I'll be your tagline for this evening.",
"High message: 9434567. Message last read: 9.",
"Honey, PLEASE don't pick up the PH$@#*&$^(#@&$^%(*NO CARRIER",
"How come the AT&T logo looks like the Death Star?",
"How much can I get away with and still go to heaven?",
"I always lie. In fact, I'm lying to you right now!",
"I am Clinton of Borg. Your income will be assimilated.",
"I am Homer of Borg! Prepare to be...OOooooo! Donuts!!!",
"I am. Therefore, I think. I think.",
"I can resist everything except temptation.",
"I hate to repeat gossip, so I'll only say this once.",
"I remember when Saturns were rockets, not cars.",
"I spilled spot remover on my dog, and now he's gone!",
"I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.",
"I used to watch TV, then I bought a modem.",
"I was going to procrastinate, but I put it off....",
"I wish life had a scroll-back buffer.....",
"I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac!",
"I'd like to live like a poor person with lots of money.",
"I'm dangerous when I know what I'm doing.",
"I'm not dead. I'm electroencephelographically challenged.",
"I'm not lost! I'm \"locationally challenged.\"",
"I'm not nearly as think as you confused I am.",
"I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?",
"I'm not schizophrenic. It's this guy beside me!",
"I've used up all my sick days...so I'm calling in dead!",
"If a tree falls on a florist, would he make a sound?",
"If at first you don't succeed, call it v1.0!",
"If I were you, who'd be me?",
"If I'm gonna eat somebody, it might as well be you.",
"If it's not broke, let me take a crack at it.",
"If Q were castrated, would he become O?",
"If speed scares you, try Windows...",
"If there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance.",
"If winning isn't important then why keep score?",
"If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.",
"Ifyoucanreadthis,youspendtoomuchtimefiguringouttaglines!",
"Ignorance is temporary; stupidity is forever.",
"Illiterate? Write for FREE HELP!",
"Innuendo: An Italian suppository.",
"Insanity is just a state of mind.",
"Is this yours? Your dog left it on my lawn...",
"It depends on which end he tries to light...",
"It doesn't work, but it looks pretty.",
"It is bad luck to be superstitious.",
"It is fatal to live too long.",
"It said \"insert disk #3\" - but onty two will fit...",
"It's a tough job! ..So I'd Rather YOU do it.",
"It's as easy as 3.14159265358979323846264338327950...",
"It's dj vu all over again.",
"It's Ensign Flintstone - he's Fred, Jim.",
"It's not GEEK - it's SOCIALLY CHALLENGED, dammit!",
"It's worse than that, it's physics, Jim!",
"Itsdifficulttobeverycreativewithonlyfiftysevencharacters!",
"Jesus saves...Passes to Moses..Shoots....Scores!",
"Joseph Stalin's grave was a Communist Plot.",
"Jumbo shrimp = oxymoron.",
"Junk: stuff we throw away. Stuff: junk we keep.",
"Keyboard Not Found - Press [F1] to Continue",
"Kids-They're not sleeping, they're recharging!",
"Let's organize this thing and take all the fun out of it.",
"Life - brief interlude between nothingness and eternity.",
"Locked coathanger in car. Good thing I had a key.",
"LOTUS - Let Only The Users Suffer",
"Luxuriantly hand-crafted from only the finest ASCII.",
"Madness takes its toll; please have exact change.",
"Make Headlines..use a corduroy pillow....",
"Make up a language and ask people for directions.",
"Meditation is not what you Think.",
"Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.",
"Minds are like parachutes, they only work when open.",
"Multitasking causes schizophrenia..",
"My computer can beat your computer.",
"My other computer is a HAL 9000.",
"My other vehicle is a Galaxy Class Starship ...",
"Name: Rank: Serial No:",
"NAVY: Never Again Volunteer Yourself",
"No one EXPECTS the Spanish Inquisition!!!",
"No wanna work. Wanna bang on keyboard.",
"NO! Taco Bell is NOT the Mexican Phone Company!",
"No, I'm from Iowa. I only work in Outer Space.",
"Not a computer nerd; merely a techno-weenie.",
"Now that I've given up hope I feel much better...",
"Obe Wan Kenobi at the dinner table: \"Use the FORKS, Luke!\"",
"Of all the things I've lost...I miss my mind the most.",
"Of course I'm running Windows NO CARRIER",
"Ok, I pulled the pin. Now what? Where are you going?",
"One is never as happy or unhappy as one imagines.",
"One tactical thermonuclear weapon can ruin your whole day.",
"Open mouth. Insert foot. Echo internationally!",
"Optical mice have no balls!",
"Our necessities are few but our wants are endless...",
"Pay your electric bill in pennies.",
"Plasma is another matter.",
"Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.",
"Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.",
"Prune Juice. A warriors drink!",
"Psychoceramics: The study of crackpots.",
"Rap music = oxymoron",
"Read the dictionary backwards and look for secret messages.",
"Real Trekkers work out at the He's Dead Gym.",
"Reality is for people who can't handle Star Trek.",
"Reduce brain fat. Eat Moral Fiber.",
"Reduce Carbon Dioxide emmissions - STOP Breathing",
"Remember, Subaru spelled backwards is U-R-A-BUS.",
"Romulan warbird decloaking sir[ NO CARRIER",
"S met ing's hap ening t my k ybo rd . .",
"Schizophrenic? I'm a bleedin' Quadrophenic! - The Who, 1972",
"Scotty, HURRY! Beam me ud{ R W #c(&NO CARRIER",
"Sector Not Found (A)bort, (R)etry, (C)offee?",
"Send more tourists..the last ones were delicious!",
"Set laser printers to \"stun\".",
"Shareware: forget the manual...phone the author at home!",
"Shell to DOS...come in, DOS...do you read...over?",
"Shh! Be vewy quiet, I'm hunting wuntime errors!",
"Shoplifters with the runs take Clepto Bismol",
"Show me a sane man. I'll cure him for you.",
"Silly wabbit, .QWKs are for kids.",
"Smilepeople will wonder what you've been up to.",
"Some days you're a bug, other days a windshield.",
"Some minds should be cultivated, others plowed under...",
"Sorry, I forgot all about the Amnesia Conference!",
"Sorrymy mind has a few bad sectors.",
"Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (yep/Nope)",
"Spaceman Spiff, Interplanetary Explorer!",
"SYSTEM ERROR: press F13 to continue...",
"Tagline Lotto: <- Scratch here for prize.",
"The Borg assimilated me & all I got was this stupid T-Shirt!",
"The eyes are the mirror of the soul.",
"The future isn't what it used to be.",
"The irony of life is that no one gets out alive...",
"The lab called: your brain is ready.",
"The moving cat sheds, and having shed, moves on...",
"The only thing shorter than a weekend is a vacation.",
"The option to override self-destruct expir@^%i@&$#NO CARRIER",
"The road to success is under construction...",
"The universe is a spheroid region 705 meters in diameter...",
"The worst thing about censorship is .",
"This is a Tagline mirror><rorrim enilgaT a si sihT",
"Those who can, do. Those who can't, supervise!",
"Time flies like the wind--fruit flies like bananas!",
"To shoot a mime, do you use a silencer?",
"Tribble math: * + * = ******************************",
"Truck Pulls: for people who cannot understand the WWF",
"Truth is just another misconception.",
"Two most common elements: hydrogen, stupidity.",
"Unless you're the lead dog, the view never changes.",
"Use your MasterCard to pay your Visa bill.",
"Vuja De - The Feeling You've Never Been Here",
"V! W d't gt tkg v!!!",
"We secretly replaced the dilithium with Folger's Crystals...",
"We're lost, but we're making good time.",
"What happens if I #%(!%#%#@@%$#*^@(@#$!#*$NO CARRIER",
"What happens if you .ARC de Triomphe?",
"What if there were no hypothetical situations?",
"When I want your opinion I'll give it to you!",
"When I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you!",
"When puns are outlawed only outlaws will have puns.",
"Who is Art, and why does life imitate him?",
"Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy!",
"Why can't women put the toilet seat back up?",
"Why did Kamakazie pilots wear helmets???",
"Why is \"easy listening\" so hard to listen to?",
"Winning isn't everything - but losing SUCKS!",
"Yes, I know I'm off-topic. Thank you for your concern.",
"You are only young once, but you can be immature forever.",
"You may be recognized soon. Perhaps you should hide?",
"Your statement fully describes the situation partially.",
"*Clap on!* (clap, clap) *Clap off!* (clap@#&$NO CARRIER",
"186,000 miles/sec: Not just a good idea, it's the LAW.",
"By all means, let's not confuse ourselves with the facts!",
"I refuse a battle of wits with an unarmed person!",
"You've got to be trusted by the people that you lie to.",
"A closed mouth gathers no feet.",
"Ask not for whom the bell tolls; let the machine get it.",
"Assumption is the mother of all screwups...",
"Aural Sex produces eargasms.",
"Back Up My Hard Drive? I Can't Find The Reverse Switch!",
"Barium: what you do with dead chemists.",
"Be nice to your enemies, it drives them nuts.",
"Beam me aboard Scotty. Aye, will a 2x4 do, Captain?",
"Best file compressor around: DEL *.* (100% compression!)",
"Better stronger faster!",
"Beware of Geeks bearing gifs.",
"Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.",
"Black holes really suck...",
"Black Holes were created when God divided by zero!",
"Bo Knows Taglines!",
"Borg spreadsheet: Locutus 1-2-3",
"Borg? Where? I don't se*(#$#..NO CARRIER",
"Borg? Sounds swedish...",
"Both of his feet are firmly planted in the air.",
"Break up a relationship - buy a computer!!",
"BREAKFAST.COM HaltedCereal Port Not Responding.",
"But honey, we can afford it, I sold your car!",
"640K should be enough for anyone. -Bill Gates ",
"A KGB keyboard has no key. ",
"Amiga: No Intel Inside. ",
"Amiga: The computer for the creative mind. ",
"And all the Borg left was this darn Macintosh",
"And the only thing the Borg left was this copy of Windows",
"Borg virus detected. (A)ssimilate? (Y/y/y) ",
"Captain, why not just give the Borg WINDOWS 3.1? ",
"Damn the prime directive. Give the Borg Windows! ",
"DOS 6: Because there aren't enough problems in the world already. ",
"DOS Viruscan initated -- Windows found: Delete? (Y/y) ",
"FOOT: A device for finding furniture in the dark. ",
"i *DId* rEaD tHE DoCS; ThaT'S WHy I'm conFuSeD! ",
"I am Elmer of Borg, be vewy quiet, I'm assimilating wabbits. ",
"I am Fudd of Bowg. Wesistance is wusewess. Pwepawe to be Assimiwated. ",
"I am MODERATOR of BORG. Follow the rules or be assimilated. ",
"I only shoot IBM's to put them out of their misery. ",
"I saw Elvis. He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO. ",
"IBM. Making tomorrow's mistakes TODAY! ",
"If at first you don't succeed, work for Microsoft. ",
"If Speed scares you, use Windows! ",
"KARAOKE: A Japanese word meaning tone deaf. ",
"Klingon standup comic: LAUGH! NOW! ",
"Life is just one BIG beta test cycle ",
"MASOCHIST: Windows SDK programmer with a smile! ",
"MODERATOR (n): see also god, dictator, egotist, oppressor",
"MICROSOFT MULTITASKING: Screwing up several things at once! ",
"Open WINDOWS and you let BUGS in . . . . ",
"OS/2 = Half an Operating System? ",
"If Speed Kills then Windows users will be around for ever! ",
"STICK n. 1: A boomerang that doesn't work. ",
"The magic of Windows - turn a 486-50 into a 4MHz XT",
"Virus \"WIN.COM\" found. Remove? (Y/n): ",
"Windows Error #56: Operator fell asleep while waiting. ",
"Windows is a colorful clown suit for DOS. ",
"Windows isn't a virus -- viruses do something! ",
"Windows isn't CrippleWare -- it's \"Functionally Challenged\". ",
"Windows: Just another pane in the glass. ",
"You're not drunk as long as you can hold onto the floor. ",
"Your PC WILL be assimilatedBorg Gates announces Windows 2000",
"Scratch & Sniff [ ] Smells like Glass Doesnt It! ",
"Dave, I can`t run Under Win 98....Dave? (HAL 9000) ",
"PC Owner? Right 1 cross each, third line out of the door ",
"Gulible actually means VERY WISE. look it up if you dont believe me! ",
"\"Language is a virus from outer space.\" -Burroughs",
"\"Thou goest to women? Forget not thy whip!\" -Nietzsche",
"Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others. - Groucho Marx, 1890-1977",
"If we're not listening, we'd have to be pretty blind. - J-L Gassee",
"No matter where you go, there you are. - Buckaroo Banzai",
"A metaphor is like a simile.",
"Any errors in spelling, tact or fact are transmission errors.",
"As of 1992, they'll be called European Economic Community fries.",
"Benny Hill: The master of the single entendre.",
"I bought a portable cable tv.",
"I like a person who operates at a 90 angle to reality.",
"I was arrested for selling illegal-sized paper.",
"Inside this fat body there's a skinny person screaming to get out. I ate her.",
"Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty.",
"Project: To determine what makes things tick. Plan: ....to stop the ticking.",
"The other day I went to the stationery store, but it had moved.",
"Today is the yesterday you worried about tomorrow.",
"I like to leave messages *before* the beep.",
"Why are they called \"apartments\" when they're all stuck together?",
"Why are they called \"buildings\", shouldn't they be called \"builts\" instead?",
"How come \"abbreviated\" is such a long word?",
"I liked \"Slaughterhouse 5\", but I can't find the first four anywhere.",
"This message has been brought to you by the number 5 and the letter F.",
"We are too busy mopping the floor to turn off the faucet.",
"Walt Disney is not dead. He's in suspended animation.",
"The world is coming to an end! Repent and return those library books!",
"There are some strings. They're just not attached.\"\" -- Marcel Marceau",
"I'm spending a year dead for tax purposes.",
"if a = b and b = c, then we've got a messed up alphabet",
"Let's organize this thing and take all the fun out of it.",
"Mary had a little lamb. The doctor was surprised. ;-)",
"Maybe we were meant to fight our way through Windows.",
"Mouse + mouse = mice. Spouse + spouse = spice.",
"My girlfriend has blue eyes,golden skin,& long,plaid hair",
"No more twit replies required. I got it! Thanks all!",
"No.. Why, have YOU ever snorted laser toner?",
"On a clear disk you can seek forever.",
"Parking is such street sorrow. Herb Caen",
"Public Restroom-The only place a flush beats a full house",
"My next big break will probably be a hip.",
"I get exercise being a pallbearer for friends who exercised.",
"You're born. You grow up. You become your parents. You die.",
"I exercise religiously. I pray I can make it around the block.",
"Here's to our wives and sweethearts. May they never meet!",
"Where there's a will, there's an inheritance tax.",
"Born free...taxed to death.",
"What the public thinks depends on what the public hears.",
"Bargain: something you cannot use at a price you cannot resist.",
"Drive the way you wish your children would.",
"Where there's smoke, there's toast.",
"\"Can't trim the food without cooking the tree!\" -Ranma",
"\"Bye bye, birdie!\" -Kasumi",
"Conspiracy Theory #917806: The paranoids are out to get us ALL!",
"\"Fascinating.\" -Spock figures out the Energizer Bunny.",
"\"I don't understand what it is! Let me kill it!\" -Worf",
"\"I failed the first time, and you may NOT tell anyone.\"",
"\"I never eat something I cannot identify.\" -Ramirez",
"\"If there is no God, then who pops up the next Kleenex?\"",
"There is intelligent life on Earth, but we're just visiting.",
"A Freudian slip is when you say one thing and mean your mother.",
"Meeting: an event where minutes are kept and hours are lost.",
"All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.",
"Anyone can handle a crisis, it's everyday living that kills you.",
"Freedom of the press is limited to those who have one.",
"If you live among the wolves, learn to scowl like them.",
"People living in golden ages complain that everything looks yellow.",
"Support your local bloodhound: Get lost.",
"There is a time for everything. Mostly, the wrong time.",
"[Warning on knife]: Caution. Blade is sharp. Keep out of children.",
"We know what we are, but not what we may be.",
"Nice shirt, is it yours?",
"Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.",
"He looked at me at though I were a side dish he hadn't ordered.",
"Give me ambiguity or give me something else.",
"Getting tired of children? Ever heard of youthanasia?",
"I feel like a million tonight, but one at a time.",
"I would rather be pessimistic and wrong, than optimistic and wrong.",
"\"Trying to attain vast power and world domination again? Bad dog!\"",
"Feed the homeless to the hungry!",
"By the way, what does \"BTW\" mean?",
"By the way, did you know what BTW means?",
"On the other hand, what does \"OTOH\" mean?",
"For what it's worth, what does \"FWIW\" mean?",
"In my humble opinion, IMHO should be taken at face value!",
"If I remember correctly, IIRC hasn't been mentioned!",
"Read The Fantastic Manual and I'm sure you'll find RTFM",
"I'd just like to request for comment on what \"RFC\" means...",
"ROTFL I was Rolling On The Floor Laughing when someone told me what ROTFL meant",
"If you can wait a moment, I'll explain RSN to you Real Soon Now.",
"You know you've been reading rec.humor too long when you know what YKYBRRHTLW means.",
"I'll explain HTH, and I Hope That Helps.",
"Before you can say BRB, I'll Be Right Back.",
"I was too busy typing AFK to go Away From Keyboard.",
"If you enter a Multiple User Domain, you'll be in deep MUD. ",
"\"All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others.\"",
"\"Be kind to animals, everybody. They're reincarnated relatives.\"",
"\"Children can be queer about their animals.\" - Into the Woods",
"\"HEY DOG! Don't bite that!\" ...*bang*NO TERRIER",
"\"I feel the animal within.\" - Butthead",
"\"I'm a doctor, not an animal!\" -- Frank to Margaret",
"\"Man didn't find the animals amusing.\" -- Nietzsche",
"\"Man is a dominating animal by his nature.\" - Hobbes",
"\"Man is by nature a political animal.\" - Aristotle",
"\"Man is, by his constitution, a religious animal.\" -- Burke",
"\"Man, an animal that makes bargains.\" - Adam Smith",
"\"Of all animals, the boy is most unmanageable.\" - Plato",
"\"No stuffed animals on the Promenade.\"--Odo, WTNE",
"\"You empty-headed animal food-trough wiper!\"",
"You've heard of party animals? I'm a party vegetable.",
"A cat is an animal who never cries over spilled milk.",
"A hungry grizzly doesn't give a care about YOUR animal rights.",
"A proud member of PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals.",
"ANIMAL RIGHTS MEANS OPEN SEASON ON HUMANS!",
"All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.",
"And why *DID* cats decide to become domestic animals?",
"Animals are more than food. They're also leather and fur.",
"Cat - (n) An Unprogrammable Animal.",
"Human (n): Useful domestic animal popular with cats",
"Human: The only animal who can be skinned more than once.",
"It's raining! .SQZ the animals into the .ARC!",
"My animal guide is The Cookie Monster.",
"No animals were harmed in the posting of this message.",
"Rainforest: a scarcity of animals and a plethora of tourists.",
"Reading taglines has been shown to cause cancer in lab animals.",
"Rock and Roll sheep listen to Pink Floyd's \"Animals\"....",
"SPAM: Scientifically-Produced Animal Matter",
"Save Laboratory Animals. Use Lawyers instead.",
"State Wildlife Protection Area - party animals live here.",
"Support animal literacy!",
"Supper(n):dead animals & some stuff from the ground.",
"THe eVil bUnnY liT all tHe othEr aNimaLs oN fiRe.",
"The male is a domestic animal that can be trained to do most things.",
"Tested on small, cute, furry animals with big, sad eyes.",
"This is \"Be kind to Animals\" week. Take your boss' wife out to dinner.",
"Valorus: Large animal vit tusks; lives in vater.",
"Why experiment on animals when there are so many Windows users around?",
"zoo: A place where animals study the habits of humans.",
"And we'll have fun, fun, fun `till Daddy takes the Modem away! ",
"2 + 2 = 5 It HAS to, the computer says so.",
"@TOFIRST@ must be home. The modem is still warm.",
"A bad day Modeming is better than any good day working.",
"A confident manner is important: Computers can sense this!",
"A job is nice but it interferes with my Modeming.",
"A Modemer's telephone bill knows no bounds.",
"ACK-NAK-ACK-NAK. Modem in hay fever season?",
"After dinner, he said, Your modem or mine?",
"After three days without modeming, life becomes meaningless.",
"All modems are baud and not Bald",
"Another good day; the computer is still working!",
"Another victim of Modemus Addictus.",
"As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.",
"Become a programmer--make a living crashing your computer.",
"Behind every good computer - is a jumble of wire...",
"Bored at 3:00 a.m.? PSSSTTT - got a modem?",
"Buy a 14.4 modem so your messages don't get out even faster.",
"Byebyte: Losing a file in your computer.",
"CAT.COM started. Computer will furball in five seconds.",
"Choosey Modemers choose .GIF",
"Citation for slow Modeming: Going 2400 in an HST lane.",
"Coming to a TV network soon, Days of Our Modems.",
"Coming to a TV soon, Days of Our Modems",
"Computer (com-pyoo-ter) n.-Incredibly fast idiot!",
"COMPUTER DEPARTMENT - mistake$ made whyle you waite.",
"Computer freak number 9,999",
"Computer illiteracy? You mean my computer's supposed to READ?",
"Computer possessed? Add DEVICE=EXOR.SYS to your CONFIG.",
"Computer programmers wanted - Some assembly required.",
"Computer simulations have imaginary mass.",
"Computer, delete @TOFIRST@'s personnel file, along with @TOFIRST@, too.",
"Computer, load program 9 -- Execute",
"Computer, Tea, Earl @TOLAST@, hot.",
"COMPUTER.COM installed. SEXLIFE.EXE removed from memory.",
"Computers and Fandom - There's got to be cheaper hobbies!!",
"Computers are irrelevant- Windows has been assimilated.",
"Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.",
"Computers can never replace human stupidity.",
"Computers Rule 01001111 01001011.",
"Computers.....the #1 cause of divorces......",
"Confidence is important; the computer can sense fear.",
"CRUISING: 19200bps modem and 0.5bps fingers!",
"Cursor (n): what you become when your computer crashes.",
"Dad, do you suppose Santa has a modem?",
"Did you say MNP means Modem Needs Pizza?",
"Do you know how to keep a Modemer in suspense?",
"DOS: Tells a computer what to do with itself!",
"Error 0011: Fax Modem Not Responding, Check Hardware",
"Faster, Cheaper, More Efficient - Modems or Wives",
"Faster, faster, foolish modem! ...",
"Ferrets are like computer viruses, they get into everything.",
"For warm boot, put computer in dryer for 20 minutes.",
"FORVAL MODEMS, A Glance Into The Future!",
"Fun, fun, fun, 'til her daddy takes her Modem away!",
"Gary must be home. The modem is still warm.",
"Get your modem runnin'Head out on the I-way...",
"Get your modem runnin, Head out for the Highwaves!",
"Guess who taught @TO@ to use a computer...?",
"Happiness is a warm modem.",
"Happy Modeming, Always!",
"Hark! What mail from yonder Modem breaks?",
"Have fun and good modeming!",
"Help! I'm Modeming and I can't hang up!!!",
"Home is where the computer is plugged in!",
"Honey, our phone bill can't be that big! I have an HST modem!",
"I am SysOp, hear me roar, with modems too fast to ignore...",
"I can't be mistaken - my modem is error-correcting.",
"I had a life once....but now I have a modem..",
"I know nothing about computers.....therefore I am........",
"I modem down, but they growd back.",
"I tried an internal modem, but it hurt when I walked.",
"I used to have a lifeNow I have a computer!",
"I wish computers would do what I think I asked for!",
"I'm a modemer & I'm OK, I post all nite & I sleep all day",
"I'm a modemer and I'm OK, I post all night and I sleep all day.",
"I'm a Modemer and I'm OK, I sleep all night...",
"I'm NOT addicted. I just use the modem all the time.",
"I'm Queeg 500, the Red Dwarf backup computer. -- Queeg",
"If something has to go down on me, why does it have to be my computer?",
"If there was a computer in the bathroom, I'd never leave it!",
"In need: SlOw 486 computer!! please leave a message!!here!",
"Is my modem supposed to smoke like that?",
"Is that a modem in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?!?",
"Just a modern modem mage cruising the electronic highways.",
"Keyboard: a device for entering mistakes into a computer.",
"KEYBOARD: Instrument used to enter errors into a computer",
"LIVE! Via Modem...",
"Lizzie Borden.America's FIRST hacker!",
"Look, mom: No Modem!",
"Lookout World! The Modem is Ringing!",
"MacIntosh: Computer with training wheels you can't remove.",
"Maybe my modem cable is faulty...",
"Me? Addicted?? To Modeming?? Naah, it'll never happen!",
"Memory parity error - Turn computer on and off 12 times",
"Misspelled? Impossible. My modem is error correcting.",
"Misspelled? No way! I use an error-correcting modem.",
"Misspelled? Impossible. My modem is error correcting.",
"My computer has EMSWont you help?",
"My computer's sick...I think my modem is a carrier...",
"My modem has premature bauding.",
"My other computer is a 386DX",
"My other computer is a Timex Sinclair.",
"My other computer is a TRS-80 Model 4.",
"My other computer is a VAX.",
"My other computer is an F-14's targeting system.",
"My other computer is Majel Barrett....",
"My other computer looks JUST like @TO@.",
"My other modem is a U.S. Robotics Dual Standard.",
"Myth #1: The computer only does what you tell it.",
"Nice computers don't go down.",
"No carrier? How we gonna land this modem?",
"Not tonight, dear. I have a modem.",
"Not tonite Honey; I have a Modem!",
"Oh give me a phone, with a modem on loan....",
"Old Modemers Don't Die; They Just Get Faxed To Heaven.",
"One modem said to another: Hey, you've got a nice baud!",
"One modem said to another: mind showing me your bits?",
"One modem said to the other Do you have to echo every thing I say?",
"One modem to another,That's quite a baud you've got.",
"OS/2 1/2 an operating system for 1/2 a computer",
"Oxymoron: computer security",
"Oxymoron: Large-scale Mini-computers.",
"Oxymoron: Personal Computer.",
"Prevent computer viruses. Install Trojans!",
"Put your money where your modem is!",
"REAL multitasking - 3 computers and a chair with wheels!",
"Remember, to a computer 1 + 1 = 10.",
"Save gas. Travel by modem.",
"Save gas: Commute by modem",
"Save paper......send it by modem",
"Say, Pilgrims! Get all the Modems in a circle!!",
"DEVICE=CATNIP.SYS <- driver for cats who compute..",
"Error in REALITY.SYS down, Run BIG_BANG.EXE (Y/N)?",
"Error locating MAFIA.EXE - program not executed.",
"Executing SENILE.COM ..ERROR: Out of Memory.",
"Have you tried X-LAX.EXE for Windoze? cleans it right up!",
"Need A Lawyer? Email To: oj.simpson@lajail.com for info",
"ODOSCAN.EXE: keeps the Quarks off of your hard drive.",
"PARODY ERROR: Can't Find File WEIRD_AL.EXE",
"Problem loading SENILE.COM out of memory.",
"Real Programmers use COPY CON PROGRAM.EXE",
"REALITY.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot universe? (Y/N/?)",
"SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .",
"SeXDrive ready. Insert SEX.EXE? (Y)(N)",
"Technobabble limit exceeded. Del JARGON.EXE Y/N?",
"Unable to locate REALITY.SYS - Universe halted!",
"Unable to open LEVI.ZIP Continue TAKELEAK.EXE? (y)(N)",
"Unlike the cleaning lady, I have to do Windows.",
"WIFE.COM not working, MALL.EXE busy, better get $$$.BAT .SYS, .COM, .EXE",
"***CONGRESS.SYS corrupt.*** Reset Washinton D.C.? (y/n)",
"Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS",
"ALZHEIMER.COM found . . . Out of . . . something . .",
"BOBBITT.SYS NOT FOUNDAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!",
"BRAIN.SYS NOT FOUND!!! A)bort, R)etry, F)ail ?",
"BREAKFAST.COM Halted .Cereal port not responding!?",
"C code. C code run. Run code, run...please?",
"CAT.COM started. Computer will furball in five seconds.",
"COFFEE.COM not found: (A)dd more, (R)eheat, (F)reak out?",
"COFFEE.SYS Not Found: User startup disabled.",
"Computer possessed? Add DEVICE=EXOR.SYS to your CONFIG.",
"COMPUTER.COM installed. SEXLIFE.EXE removed from memory.",
"CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?",
"DEVICE=CATNIP.SYS <- driver for cats who compute..",
"/earth: file system full.",
"Error in REALITY.SYS down, Run BIG_BANG.EXE (Y/N)?",
"Error locating MAFIA.EXE - program not executed.",
"Executing SENILE.COM ..ERROR: Out of Memory.",
"Have you tried X-LAX.EXE for Windoze? cleans it right up!",
"I have a life. C:\\VIRGINIA\\LIFE.EXE.....See?",
"In your CONFIG.SYS you must specify SET BUGS=OFF",
"MODERATR.COM FOUND RESTORE TOPIC.ON? (Y/n)",
"Need A Lawyer? Email To: oj.simpson@lajail.com for info",
"ODOSCAN.EXE: keeps the Quarks off of your hard drive.",
"PARODY ERROR: Can't Find File WEIRD_AL.EXE",
"Problem loading SENILE.COM out of memory.",
"Real Programmers use COPY CON PROGRAM.EXE",
"REALITY.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot universe? (Y/N/?)",
"SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .",
"SeXDrive ready. Insert SEX.EXE? (Y)(N)",
"Technobabble limit exceeded. Del JARGON.EXE Y/N?",
"Unable to locate REALITY.SYS - Universe halted!",
"Unable to open LEVI.ZIP Continue TAKELEAK.EXE? (y)(N)",
"WIFE.COM not working, MALL.EXE busy, better get $$$.BAT",
"Reality (n.): Where the pizza dude comes from.",
"Rejection: When your imaginary friends won't talk to you.",
"Experience: What you get when you don't get what you want.",
"Anxiety: Nature's way of getting you up mornings.",
"Gross ignorance: 144 times worse than normal ignorance.",
"Irony: God gave the tortoise a drag factor of .03",
"Clock: A small mechanical device to wake up people without children.",
"Slavery: Not just a job, it's indenture!",
"Karaoke: A Japanese word meaning \"tone deaf\".",
"Sleep is a poor substitute for caffeine.",
"Bulimic: A student on the meal plan.",
"A conclusion is where somebody got tired of thinking.",
"Opera: Where a guy gets stabbed in the back and sings about it.",
"Cheerleader: A girl whose face melts near an open flame.",
"Oxymoron: One who does not know how to use pimple medication.",
"Chocolate: the other major food group.",
"Capitalism: Man exploiting man. Socialism: The reverse.",
"Canadians: The *other* Americans.",
"Unilingual (n.): American.",
"Haggis: The 5th state of matter.",
"Cheating: Playing by the rules they teach in business school.",
"Success is just a matter of luck. Ask any failure.",
"Fundamentalism: Fund (give money) + Amentalism (without brains).",
"Racial prejudice is a pigment of the imagination.",
"`Normal' is a setting on a washing machine.",
"Now (nou), adv: A moment in time that has already passed.",
"Once (wuns), adv: Enough.",
"Health: The slowest possible rate of dying.",
"Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.",
"Nervous: Asking which wine goes best with fingernails.",
"Poverty: Having too much month left at the end of the money.",
"Childish game: One at which you cannot beat your spouse.",
"Aibohphobia: Fear of palindromes.",
"Public Office: The last refuge of the incompetent.",
"Language: A dialect with an army and navy.",
"Pizza *is* the four food groups.",
"Boy: A noise with dirt on it.",
"Sleep: That fleeting moment just before the alarm goes off.",
"Modem: A deterrent to phone solicitors.",
"Feudalism: When it's your Count that votes.",
"Bore: One who, upon being asked how they are, tells you.",
"Cynic: Someone who smells the flowers and looks for the casket.",
"Floor: The place where you keep your clothes.",
"Answer: What everybody is still looking for.",
"Antonym: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.",
"Fine: Tax for doing wrong. Tax: Fine for doing fine.",
"Witlag: The delay between delivery and comprehension of a joke.",
"Skier: Someone who pays an arm and a leg to break them.",
"A foot is a device for finding furniture in the dark.",
"Anarchy: Such a good idea, it should be the law.",
"Dogmatism: Puppyism come to full growth.",
"Dime: A dollar after taxes.",
"Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.",
"Lawyer: The larval form of a politician.",
"A professor is someone who talks in somebody else's sleep.",
"Work is the slow, dragging fingernail on the blackboard of life.",
"Cafeteria: An eatery where the \"catch of the day\" is botulism.",
"Poker face: The face that launched a thousand chips.",
"A hangover is the wrath of grapes.",
"Sushi: Known to the rest of the world as 'Bait'.",
"Adventure is the champagne of life.",
"Apartment: A place to store dirty laundy until you can go home to",
"Mom.",
"Dumb Jock (slang): A redundant expression.",
"Disneyland: A people trap operated by a mouse.",
"Alma Mater: Latin for 'our mutha'.",
"Flattery is like chewing gum. Enjoy, but don't swallow.",
"Masculine: Unable to deal with dirty diapers.",
"Theater is like holding a mirror up to a keyhole.",
"Cynic: A sentamentalist on guard.",
"Life is a collection of low-probability events.",
"Pessimist: One who complains about the noise when opporuntiy knocks.",
"Committee: 12 people doing the work of one.",
"Retirement is when you stop living at work and start working at life.",
"A hobby is getting exhausted on your own time.",
"Cult: A religion with no political power.",
"Abstract Logic: 1. See definition 2. 2. See definition 1.",
"Sales resistance: The triumph of mind over patter.",
"Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.",
"Manners: The noises you don't make while eating soup.",
"Federal Law: Ten thousand books explaining the Ten Commandments.",
"Conscience: The inner voice warning you that somebody is looking.",
"Nostalgia Buff: One who finds the past perfect and present tense.",
"A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.",
"Poker: A game where a good deal depends on a good deal.",
"Cash, a poor person's credit card.",
"Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans.",
"Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.",
"Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over.",
"Golfer: One who yells \"fore!\", takes five and writes down three.",
"Retirement: Twice as much husband, half as much money.",
"School: Building with four walls and tomorrow inside.",
"\"A red spaceship on the monitor, your vileness.\" Calvin",
"\"Ever walk into a Denny's at 3 AM? Looks like the bar in Star Wars!\"",
"\"How long will a man lie in space ere he rot?\" -- Hamlet",
"\"I operate a space bar\", Quark said blankly.",
"\"In space all warriors are cold warriors\" - General Chang.",
"\"In space it's never `Miller Time'\" - Opus",
"\"It isn't my f****** planet, monkey boy!\" -- John Big Booty",
"\"Jim Beam\" me up, Scotchy! There's no more booze on this planet.",
"\"May the Great Bird of the Galaxy bless you planet.\" - Sulu",
"\"Off Utopia Planetia; thru the DS9 airlock, nothing but net.\" - Jordan",
"\"Space is big, REALLY big.\" Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy",
"\"The Galaxy can be a dangerous place when you're on your own\" - Q",
"\"The planet isn't going anywhereWE ARE!\" -- George Carlin",
"\"We all come from our own little planets.\" Cary Grant",
"\"We are the greatest planet on Earth.\" - Al Gore",
"\"We're as serious as a rip in a spacesuit.\" - Neeoma Connally",
"\"Welcome to the Star Tours Tomorrowland Space Port",
"-= late score: deep space 9 babylon 5 earth 2 :late score =-",
"-= my other time/space machine is a tardis =-",
"...space is deep...",
"1 if by land, 2 if by sea, 3 if by hyperspace route.",
"a few tiles missing from his space shuttle.",
"a point in the space time continuum.",
"acme space and explosives - we can put anything in orbit!!!",
"adam was the first man in space.",
"ah..the vastness of space and time...and i end up here.",
"aliens from outer space sleep under my car nightly....",
"and you thought space was warped...",
"another sign of the last days -- space ghost has a talk show.",
"aquatic huge giant space hamster.",
"at last, the eludium q36 explosive space modulator!",
"b.a. baraccus of borg: i ain't goin' in no spaceship!",
"b5 is the place to be, space livin' is the life for me...",
"babylon 5: casablanca in space.",
"Bother! said Pooh, as he ripped the fabric of Time and Space.",
"Broke down in space? Call Scotty's Roving Repair Service!",
"CarefulThis guy is one planet short of a full system.",
"Chang: In space, all warriors are cold warriors.",
"Cows ride Space Shuttle - the herd shot round the world.",
"Deep Space 9's Mission: To boldly stay where no one has stayed before!",
"E.V.A. Rule #6: Never annoy the astronauts *inside* the spacecraft.",
"Elvis has left the planet.",
"Entropy isn't what it used to be.",
"Error NCC1701: Data transported to outer space...",
"Even in space, booze satisfies! -- Crow T. Robot",
"Even in the future, nothing works! - Dark Helmet from Spaceballs",
"Exercise? I would rather be space walking!",
"Expand your horizons - move to a bigger planet.",
"Expand your mind; send it to space.",
"For space is just a starry night where no suns ever rise.",
"Format another planet(Y/N)?",
"Found on Borg Spacecraft: MICROSOFT BORG, v.4.1.",
"Graduate: Ferengi Business School",
"Graduate: Klingon Military Academy",
"Graduate: Borg Institute of Technology ",
"HYPERSPACE: For travellers sick of calculating Improbability Factors!",
"Hang on, we're going to make space tracks!",
"Have spacesuit, will travel. - Heinlein",
"Have subspace modem, will telecommunicate.",
"Have you got some reason you want my atoms scattered all over space?",
"He only took 248 Spacebucks for lunch, gas and tolls.",
"Heavens, did your spaceship just land yesterday??? ",
"Help Conserve the Earth - Promote Space Colonization",
"Here I am, brain the size of a planet- Marvin",
"Hey, Arthur! Lookee, I'm being abducted by space aliens! - The Tick",
"Hmmm. Mine got here by spacecraft and teleportation in 1900.",
"How can you make a spacesuit look like evening wear?",
"Human & a salt shaker, fused into one -Crow on space suit",
"\"I am from Iowa. I only work in outer space.\" -Kirk",
"I am not an alien from space reconnoitering this world.",
"I'm one with the Universe---on a scale from 1 to 10.",
"I know how to talk to these Space Vixens.",
"I need a drink--where's the SPACE BAR?",
"I'll call Spaceballs City and tell President Skroob immediately.",
"I'm in space with a man who'd lose a battle of wits with an iguana.",
"If God meant man to be in space, He wouldn't have given us stomach's!",
"If I wanted a ride home, would I be trying to charter a space flight?",
"If Intel ran StarFleet it would be Deep Space 8.999999997",
"If Voyager folded space, it would become the V'ger.",
"If space is a vacuum, does that mean the Universe sucks?",
"If space is the final frontier, what's TIME?",
"If space is warped, time is all that's weft.",
"If the universe is expanding, how come I can't find a parking space?",
"If there were no such thing as gravity, the earth would fly off into space!",
"If time and space are relatives, why don't they come to my party?",
"If we can put men in space, why not metal in a microwave.",
"In space no one can hear you moo.",
"In space, no one can here you laugh!!",
"In the spaceship, the silver space ship, the lion takes control",
"In the vastness of space and time, why did I end up here?",
"It waitsat the limits of time and space.",
"It's always a nice day in outer space.",
"Its Spaceball one! They've gone to plaid!",
"Just another wrinkle in the fabric of time and space.",
"LOST: 1 Iludium Pew-36 Explosive Space Modulator.",
"Language is a virus from outer space.",
"Leaves us drifting in space! - Rimmer",
"Like being on LSD: Lousy Space Dramas - Crow on effects",
"Looking for a used starship? Call the Ferengi Used SpaceShips Lot!",
"Lost in time and lost in space and meaning.",
"Lt. Orville, report to airlock 3, spacesuit optional.",
"Magrathea: We build planets YOUR way. (Magrathean Commercial Council)",
"Make Windows flyput it on the space shuttle...",
"Meanwhile, in outer space...",
"Mercenaries Wanted * Apply at: Union Aerospace Corporation, Phobos",
"Mr. President, we can save the space station. We'll just tax it!",
"My other vehicle is a Galaxy Class Starship ...",
"Newfie astronauts do nothing but take up space in school",
"No, I'm from outer space. I only get my E-Mail in New York.",
"Not in this space time continuum you won't - Quark to Martis",
"Now that we travel in space how about travelling in time?",
"OS/2 is to the space shuttle as Windows is to a rowboat.",
"Oh God, it's far out space nuts - Crow",
"Oh my! I'd forgotten how much I hate space travel!",
"Old aliens never die. They just fill in space!",
"On the next episode of Space: Nineteen Dollars and Ninety-Nine Cents..",
"Outer space in a propeller plane? I think not.",
"Quantum particles: The dreams that stuff is made of.",
"Photons have mass? I didn't know they were catholic!",
"Planet 98% full. Delete politicians? (Y/y)",
"Planet Earth has been UNREGISTERED for 6,978,253,410.983 years.",
"Planetary creation error: (A)bort, (R)etry, (E)volve?",
"Pre-spaceflight (first age of mankind).",
"Prepare to go into hyperspace on my mark",
"Property of the Sontaran Army Space Corps.",
"Riker to Data: Give the Borg Doublespaced Dos 6.0!",
"Ross Perot Had A 2 Hour Summit With Space Aliens",
"Save A Planet. Collect All Nine.",
"Some people call me the Space Cowboy",
"Sorry No Tagline!..Lost in Space...",
"Space Alien weds two-headed Elvis-clone - Hobbes",
"Space Ghost rulez the world!",
"Space NOW ! Oh well, maybe later ...",
"Space Shuttle chore: Get roadies to unload amps and drum kit.",
"Space is an illusion, disk space doubly so.",
"Space is curved. Either that or my car pulls to the left.",
"Space is empty because 9/10ths of it is missing.",
"Space panties. For that girl who thinks her ass is outta this world.",
"Space, the final frontier0 bytes free.",
"Space-age cybernomad.",
"Space...the final frontier: yeah? Seen my bedroom?",
"Spaceballs: The Tagline",
"Spaceman Spiff, interplanetary explorer.",
"Stone Age Minds with SPACE AGE tools...",
"Swirled yogurt. Essential to space travel.",
"TV Space aliens are always immune to bullets.",
"TV Truth #1: Explosions in space make noise.",
"That's no moon, that's a space station! - Obi Wan",
"The Few. The Proud. Join the Space Marines!",
"The Martian canals were the Martians' last ditch effort.",
"The moon may be smaller than Earth, but it's further away.",
"The other end of the Galaxy? What could it mean? A circle has no end?",
"Then at a deadly pace It Came From Outer Space...",
"There's no future in time travel.",
"There is no night in deep space, and time is a meaningless concept",
"This planet is FULL, you must make space for additions!",
"This isn't some Deep Space franchise! --Ivanova.",
"Time: an illusion brought to you by the makers of space.",
"Traveling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, boy!",
"Tribble like time fills empty space",
"Turbolift button for 10-Forward? \"Space Bar\" of course!",
"Used starship for sale. Call AT&T Subspace BR-549.",
"We're holding Elvis' brain hostage on planet Zork. Alert Ted Koppel.",
"What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? A Space Invader.",
"When you're in space, which way is up?",
"Where are Deep Space 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8?",
"You! What PLANET is this?",
"\"A generation which ignore history has no past -- and no future.\"",
"\"A proper perspective about one's history is vital.\" -- Disraeli",
"\"A rather barbaric period in your American history.\" Spock",
"\"Anyone can make history. Only a great man can write it.\" - Oscar Wilde",
"\"Assassination has never changed the history of the world.\"",
"\"Does history record ANY case in which the majority was right?\"",
"\"Fantasy as the bait, with history as the hook.\" -- Heydt",
"\"History is a better guide than good intentions.\" - Jean Kirkpatrick",
"\"History is a distillation of rumour.\" -- Carlyle",
"\"History is a nightmare from which I am trying to awake.\"",
"\"History is an agreed-upon set of lies.\" -- Napolean Bonaparte",
"\"History is philosophy from examples.\" -- Dionysius",
"\"History is but a tableau of crimes and misfortunes.\"--Voltaire",
"\"Ideology is history full of myth, but devoid of fact.\"",
"\"That great dust-heap called `history'.\" -- Birrell",
"\"The history of Liberty is the history of resistance.\"",
"\"The history of war is but a bloody romance.\" -J.F.C. Fuller",
"\"The judgement of history depends on who writes it.\" - Richard Nixon",
"\"To be nameless in worthy deeds exceeds an infamous history.\"",
"A family history shows you have lived!",
"A lot of history isn't fit to repeat itself.",
"A person can be poor at history, but great on dates.",
"A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.",
"A woman's life is a history of affections.",
"Accidents cause History.",
"And today will go down in history as Unknown.",
"Answers for the future from a history of solutions.",
"Atilde~The~Hun...He left his diacritical mark on history.",
"Bard is so old that he doesn't learn history. He remembers it.",
"Cheap way to trace your family history--run for public office.",
"Civilization - biggest syntax error in history!",
"Deja News...History.",
"Difficulty is the excuse history never accepts.",
"Do you get a complete family history when you enter Heaven?",
"Don't touch it! It's the history eraser button you fool!",
"Each day is a drive through history. -Jim Morrison",
"Every mosquito bite in history was caused by a female.",
"Every time history repeats itself the price goes up.",
"God can't alter history, so he created historians.",
"Happy people don't make history. - French proverb",
"He is so old that he doesn't have to learn history. He remembers it!",
"He who does not remember the past gets an F in History",
"HISTORY.LIE Virus Detected - Run FEMINIZT.BAT !",
"HISTORY: Oldest program ever.",
"History: A bunch of lies written by the victors.",
"History and reality are both what you make of them.",
"History books get it right on the second edit.",
"History in the making is always censored.",
"History is a continuing series of current events.",
"History is a lame excuse for the stupid things men do.",
"History is a one way road with all exits closed.",
"History is everything that happens apart from weather.",
"History is the refutation of the \"moral world order.\" - Nietzsche",
"History is the science of what never happens twice.",
"History never repeats itself. At best it sometimes rhymes.",
"History proves, Miltary Budget cuts equals economic hard times.",
"History repeats itself, first as a tragedy, then as a farce.",
"History repeats itself. Historians repeat each other.",
"History repeats itself. I'll have another glass of orange juice!",
"History repeats itself. That's one of the things wrong with it.",
"History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.",
"I'm not paranoid - just a student of history.",
"In human history, most leaders prove to be good bleeders.",
"Memoirs are the backstairs of history.",
"Memories keep the wolf of insignificance from the door.",
"Naked people have little influence on history.",
"News is the first rough draft of History...",
"Naked people have little influence on history.",
"No country in history has ever taxed itself into prosperity.",
"Social studies: History diluted in holy water.",
"Soda Pop History: Ginger Aile",
"The Joy of Sux - The History of the Electric Vacuum.",
"The most dangerous animal in all history walks on two legs.",
"The only thing we learn from history is that we do not learn.",
"Those who fail to repeat history are doomed to study it.",
"Those who will not remember the pasta are condemned to eat it.",
"We learn from history that we do not learn from history.",
"Your life history is stored in BIOS.",
"\"Amazing what caffeine and no sense of self-preservation can do...\"",
"\"Coffee, black and strong.\" -- Cooper",
"\"What do you mean 'I burnt the oatmeal'? That's COFFEE!!",
"(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (G)o fix the coffee",
"1-2-3-4 We're Sgt. Pepper'sLonely Tag Lines Band!",
"4 Food Groups: Coffee, Chocolate, Ice Cream, Coffee",
"4 food groups: Coffee, Chocolate, Sugar, and Sex.",
"A mathematician is just a machine for turning coffee into theorems",
"A morning without coffee is like something without something else.",
"Another pot of coffee down the programming hatch!",
"Captain, we're being hailed by Myra I Fox, who says:",
"Coffee - 1 sugars - milk - and aspirin.",
"Coffee and cigarettes: The first two peripherals!",
"Coffee and Echo mail are my second and third favorite things in the AM.",
"Coffee doesnt cause cancer --------Water does!!!",
"Coffee flavored cigarettes: kill yourself twice as fast.",
"Coffee in England is just toasted milk.",
"Coffee is good food.",
"Coffee line forms here. Take a number.",
"Coffee not found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)all asleep",
"Coffee sweetend with NO-DOZ...Programmers' fuel...",
"COFFEE.COM not found: A)dd more, R)eheat F)reak out",
"COFFEE.EXE not found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)all asleep",
"COFFEE.POT Not Found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)anic?",
"COFFEE.POT not found; kill (E)verybody (S)elected bodies (Y)ou?",
"Decaff: Use it to sober up after drinking non-alcoholic beer!",
"Decaffeinated coffee is like kissing your sister.",
"Decaffeinated coffee? Just Say No.",
"Decaffeinated coffee? Kinda like kissing your sister.",
"Decaffinated coffee? What's the point of THAT!?",
"Disclaimer: Written by a highly caffeinated mammal.",
"Do not drink coffee in the morning or it will keep you awake until noon.",
"Don't talk to me until I've had my second cup of coffee",
"Drink your coffee! There are poor people in India sleeping!",
"Everybody should believe something: I believe I'll have more coffee.",
"Everything I know, I learned from coffee.",
"Get me some coffee and ask me again in ten minutes.",
"I can build a cheesecake out of limestone & coffee in under 5 minutes.",
"I eat coffee straight from the can. Why dilute it?",
"I suggest you stay away from the coffee there buddy!",
"Instant Human: Just Add Coffee...",
"Is there life before coffee?",
"Life begins after coffee!",
"Life's too short for bad coffee.",
"Love & scandal are coffee's best sweeteners.",
"Make another pot of coffee...I'm gonna read mail",
"Man does not live by coffee alone. Have a danish.",
"Message brought to you by sufficient coffee ingestion.",
"Mindless ramblings brought to you courtesy of much caffeine.",
"My God! It's full of coffee!",
"Never drink coffee that's been anywhere near a fish.",
"One Nation, with Liberty, Large Fries, and a Coffee to go!",
"Operator out of coffee...taglines may become irrational...",
"Oxymoron: Decaffeinated coffee",
"Pablo and Gibsons coffee brings a new meaning to the word vomit.",
"Red eye special-A double espresso with a shot of coffee.",
"Rule #5: Everyone must buy coffee for Jenny.",
"Severe Error 102: Insufficient Coffee, Operator Halted.",
"Sleep is a poor substitute for coffee.",
"Syntax Error in KITCHEN.EXE: COFFEE not found.",
"The four food groups: coffee, ice cream, beer and pizza.",
"There's too much blood in my caffeine-stream.",
"This is your brain on drugs, toast and coffee",
"This isexcuse my languagedamn good coffee.",
"Transporter room, beam that tagline up immediately!",
"Try cooling coffee by holding it closer to your heart.",
"Ultimate office automation: Networked coffee machines!",
"Unable to locate Coffee -- Operator Halted!",
"We did, and here are ours: stand by to beam them aboard.",
"When serving coffee to tricks use paper cups! Both are Disposable!",
"Where does the brown go from the coffee when you drink it?",
"Your fighter doesn't get bonuses because he drinks coffee.",
"Aerobics Center: We specialize in Droop Therapy.",
"Appliance Store: If you have hang-ups, you need one of our dryers.",
"Auto Repair Shop: We specialize in Lemon-Aid.",
"Cabinet Maker: The best Counter-Fitter in town.",
"Electrical Repair: Lets us remove your shorts.",
"Maternity Shop: We provide the accessories after the fact.",
"Travel Agency: Let us show you our bag of treks.",
"Water Bed Store: Your vinyl resting place.",
"Wine Shop: Come in and sip into something more comfortable.",
"Propane Dealer: Tank heaven for little grills.",
"Pumber: Best place to take a leak.",
"Plumber: You can find us under Water in the yellow pages!",
"Las Vegas Plumber: All of our flushes are Royal!",
"Confucius always saying that. Perhaps Confusious say too damn much ?",
"Confucius not know what to say!",
"Confucius of Borg: Assimilate others who you would want to assimilate you.",
"Confucius say: (with cold) Man who kwitisize moduwator get node bwoke.",
"Confucius say: All blonde not blonde by cracky",
"Confucius say: All men eat, but Fu Manchu.",
"Confucius say: America Good Place to Put Chinese Restuarant.",
"Confucius say: Australia Good Place to Put Chinese Restaurant.",
"Confucius say: Baby ill-conceived in automatic car shiftless bastard.",
"Confucius say: Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk!",
"Confucius say: Before becoming master fisherman, must be master baiter.",
"Confucius say: Better to sleep with chicken than to choke it.",
"Confucius say: Bird in hand makes hard to blow nose",
"Confucius say: Blonde who fly upside down have crack up.",
"Confucius say: Boiling water is very hot!",
"Confucius say: Boy & girl go camping together sure to have naughty intent.",
"Confucius say: Boy fool with girl in wrong period get caught red handed.",
"Confucius say: Boy go to bed with sex problem wake up, solution in hand.",
"Confucius say: Boy who diddle little girl do diddly squat.",
"Confucius say: Boy with hole in pocket, feel cocky all day.",
"Confucius say: Cat who walk on keyboard wind up in Chinese wok!",
"Confucius say: Chemist who fall in acid get absorbed in work.",
"Confucius say: Confucius say too damn much!",
"Confucius say: Crowded elevator smell different to midget.",
"Confucius say: Do unto others what you think is funny.",
"Confucius say: Don't judge book by cover, but by how thick it is.",
"Confucius say: Don't quote me with stupid accent.",
"Confucius say: Even the greatest of whales is helpless in middle of desert.",
"Confucius say: Find old man in dark, not hard!",
"Confucius say: Girl at bachelor pad for snack get tidbit",
"Confucius say: Girl laid in tomb may soon become mummy.",
"Confucius say: Girl who fly upside down have crack up.",
"Confucius say: He who chases car will get exhausted.",
"Confucius say: He who dies with the most Taglines, wins.",
"Confucius say: He who eat cookies in bed, will wake up feeling crumby.",
"Confucius say: He who eats ice cream in car is a Sundae Driver",
"Confucius say: He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.",
"Confucius say: He who fishes in another man's well often catches crabs.",
"Confucius say: He who lives in glass house have very large drapery bill.",
"Confucius say: He who pass gas in church must sit in own pew.",
"Confucius say: He who pull out too fast leave rubber behind.",
"Confucius say: He who puts face in punch bowl get punch in nose.",
"Confucius say: He who refuses to listen is lying.",
"Confucius say: He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise.",
"Confucius say: He who sniffs Coke, drowns.",
"Confucius say: He who stand on toilet is high on pot.",
"Confucius say: He who stands in corner with hands in pocket, feels nuts.",
"Confucius say: He who stick head in open window gets pane in neck.",
"Confucius say: He who stick head in oven gets baked bean",
"Confucius say: He with no taglines is deprived",
"Confucius say: Hockey player on ice have big stick",
"Confucius say: House without toilet is uncanny.",
"Confucius say: I didn't say that!",
"Confucius say: If chain still swinging seat will be warm.",
"Confucius say: If rooted in confusion, nothing will be well governed.",
"Confucius say: If you park, don't drink, accidents cause people",
"Confucius say: If you turn an oriental around, he become disoriented.",
"Confucius say: If you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient",
"Confucius say: Is good to learn how to masturbate, may come in handy!",
"Confucius say: Is more to running BBS than finding ON.",
"Confucius say: Is stuffy inside fortune cookie.",
"Confucius say: It takes a lot of balls to make a football team.",
"Confucius say: It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.",
"Confucius say: It's OK to meet girl in park, much better to park meat in girl!",
"Confucius say: Janitor who clean by day clean bidet today.",
"Confucius say: Keeping it in family sure sound incestuous.",
"Confucius say: Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.",
"Confucius say: Lady who go camping must beware of evil intent.",
"Confucius say: Lady who live in glass house, dress in basement!",
"Confucius say: Look for helping hand on end of own arm.",
"Confucius say: Man and mouse alike, both end up in pussy.",
"Confucius say: Man kicked in testicles, is left holding bags.",
"Confucius say: Man should never straddle barbed wire fences.",
"Confucius say: Man that have sex with hole in ground have piece on earth.",
"Confucius say: Man trapped in pantry have butt in jam.",
"Confucius say: Man trapped in whore house get jerked around",
"Confucius say: Man who abuse his computer get bad bytes!",
"Confucius say: Man who argue with wife all day get no peace at night.",
"Confucius say: Man who buy drowned cat must pay for stinking wet pussy.",
"Confucius say: Man who chase cars get exhausted.",
"Confucius say: Man who drive like hell bound to get there!",
"Confucius say: Man who drop watch in whisky is wasting time.",
"Confucius say: Man who eat jellybean fart in technicolor.",
"Confucius say: Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.",
"Confucius say: Man who eat many prunes, sit on toilet many moons.",
"Confucius say: Man who eats photo of father, soon spitting image of father.",
"Confucius say: Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.",
"Confucius say: Man who fart in church sit in his own pew!",
"Confucius say: Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night!",
"Confucius say: Man who finger girl having period may get caught red handed.",
"Confucius say: Man who get hit by car, get that run down feeling.",
"Confucius say: Man who get paid pick up chick.",
"Confucius say: Man who go out with flat chested woman feel shallow.",
"Confucius say: Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake with smelly finger.",
"Confucius say: Man who go to bed with sex on mind wake up with solution in hand",
"Confucius say: Man who has hand down mans pants, not feeling himself today.",
"Confucius say: Man who has woman on ground has piece on earth!",
"Confucius say: Man who have circumcision lose a bit of foresight.",
"Confucius say: Man who jump off cliff jump to conclusion!",
"Confucius say: Man who jump through window screen, strain self.",
"Confucius say: Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants",
"Confucius say: Man who keeps nose to grindstone end up with flat face.",
"Confucius say: Man who lay girl on hill not on level.",
"Confucius say: Man who lay woman on ground have peace on earth.",
"Confucius say: Man who lifts stones off woman get rocks off",
"Confucius say: Man who live in glass house should dress in basement.",
"Confucius say: Man who live in glass house W/No Basement, STINKS!",
"Confucius say: Man who lose key to girlfriend's house get no new key.",
"Confucius say: Man who marries a girl with no bust, feel low down.",
"Confucius say: Man who masturbate into cash register, soon come into money.",
"Confucius say: Man who masturbate only screwing himself",
"Confucius say: Man who mess with steamroller flat out lose!",
"Confucius say: Man who polish knob play pocket pool.",
"Confucius say: Man who pull out too fast leave rubber.",
"Confucius say: Man who pull out too soon get hit in rear end.",
"Confucius say: Man who pushes piano down mine shaft get A flat miner.",
"Confucius say: Man who put cock on stove have hot rod.",
"Confucius say: Man who put cream in tart, not really a baker.",
"Confucius say: Man who put face in punchbowl get punch in nose.",
"Confucius say: Man who put foot in mouth get athlete's tongue.",
"Confucius say: Man who put hand in pocket feels cocky all day",
"Confucius say: Man who put head in dryer bound to get sock in the mouth!",
"Confucius say: Man who put head on railroad track get splitting headache.",
"Confucius say: Man who put rooster in freezer over night have frozen cock.",
"Confucius say: man who read woman like book, prefer braille!",
"Confucius say: Man who run behind car get exhausted.",
"Confucius say: Man who scratch butt should not bite fingernails!",
"Confucius say: Man who screw girl on hillside not on level.",
"Confucius say: Man who sink into woman's arms soon have arms in woman's sink",
"Confucius say: Man who sit on hot stove will rise again.",
"Confucius say: Man who sit on tack get point!",
"Confucius say: Man who sleep in cathouse by day, sleep in doghouse by night",
"Confucius say: Man who sleeps with old hen finds it's better than pullet.",
"Confucius say: Man who smoke pot choke on handle.",
"Confucius say: Man who sneezes without hanky takes matters into his own hands.",
"Confucius say: Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss baloons.",
"Confucius say: Man who stands on toilet seat is high on pot.",
"Confucius say: Man who step in it often say it.",
"Confucius say: Man who stick face in punchbowl get punch in nose.",
"Confucius say: Man who sucks nipples makes clean breast of things.",
"Confucius say: Man who take lady on camping trip have one intent.",
"Confucius say: Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out!",
"Confucius say: Man who walk through door sideways is going to Bangkok.",
"Confucius say: Man who who put cock on stove have hot rod.",
"Confucius say: Man with an unchecked parachute will jump to conclusion.",
"Confucius say: Man with athletic finger make broad jump.",
"Confucius say: Man with forked tongue not need chop sticks.",
"Confucius say: Man with hand in bush not necessarily trimming shrubs.",
"Confucius say: Man with hole in both pockets not feel too cocky!",
"Confucius say: Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.",
"Confucius say: Man with holes in pockets feels nuts.",
"Confucius say: Man with no legs bums around.",
"Confucius say: Man with one chopstick go hungry.",
"Confucius say: Many men smoke but Fu Manchu.",
"Confucius say: Mind's journey begins with a single Why?",
"Confucius say: Never trust men with short legs, brains too near the bottom.",
"Confucius say: Never trust woman who uses phrase eager beaver",
"Confucius say: Nothing. Because he's dead!",
"Confucius say: Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it",
"Confucius say: People having gift for gab know not how to wrap it up.",
"Confucius say: People who quote me are fools!",
"Confucius say: Place to look for helping hand is end of own arm.",
"Confucius say: Preserve wildlife - pickle a hedgehog!",
"Confucius say: Put rooster in freezer to get a stiff cock",
"Confucius say: Quit quoting me, you blubbering twit!",
"Confucius say: Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.",
"Confucius say: Rotten wood cannot be carved.",
"Confucius say: Show off always shown up in showdown.",
"Confucius say: Stop quoting me!",
"Confucius say: Support bacteria; it's the only culture some people have!",
"Confucius say: The early worm has a death wish...",
"Confucius say: The essence of knowledge is, having it, to use it.",
"Confucius say: The hand that turneth the knob, opens the door.",
"Confucius say: Those who make love in strawberry patch have butt in jam.",
"Confucius say: Those who quote me are fools",
"Confucius say: To prevent hangover stay drunk!",
"Confucius say: Too darn much!",
"Confucius say: Virgin with thimble on finger never feel prick.",
"Confucius say: Virginity like balloon, one prick, all gone.",
"Confucius say: Wallflower at party is dandelion in bed.",
"Confucius say: War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.",
"Confucius say: Wash your face in the morning, neck at night.",
"Confucius say: Watched Tandy Never Boots!",
"Confucius say: What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others.",
"Confucius say: When in doubt, whip it out",
"Confucius say: When lady say maybe, she mean yes.",
"Confucius say: When lady say no, she mean maybe.",
"Confucius say: When lady say yes, she no lady.",
"Confucius say: While others are inside sitting down, you will be outstanding.",
"Confucius say: Why did Confucius always speak in English?",
"Confucius say: Why do Chinese philosophers always try to Confucius?",
"Confucius say: Wife for life is better than wife for strife",
"Confucius say: Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.",
"Confucius say: Woman cook carrots and peas in same pot not sanitary.",
"Confucius say: Woman is like jazz music, 3/4 jazz time and 1/4 rag time.",
"Confucius say: Woman run faster with skirt up, than Man with pants down.",
"Confucius say: Woman seek equality with man - no ambition.",
"Confucius say: Woman who cook carrots and peas in same pot not sanitary!",
"Confucius say: Woman who dance wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom.",
"Confucius say: Woman who douches with vinegar have sour puss.",
"Confucius say: Woman who eat banana get cream in mouth",
"Confucius say: Woman who flies upside down always has crack up.",
"Confucius say: Woman who pounce on dead rooster go down on limp cock.",
"Confucius say: Woman who put detergent on top shelf, Jump for Joy.",
"Confucius say: Woman who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat-house.",
"Confucius say: Woman who spend much time on bedspring have offspring.",
"Confucius say: Woman who wear G-string, high on crack!",
"Confucius say: Woman with bleached blonde hair have black hair by cracky",
"Confucius say: Women and elephants never forget an injury.",
"Confucius say: Work to become, not to acquire",
"#= User is pro-nuclear war",
"\"34? War is good for business\" - Quark",
"\"A great warrior? Wars not make one great.\" - Yoda",
"\"A man-of-war is the best ambassador.\" -Oliver Cromwell",
"\"A war put off is not a war avoided.\" - Charlton Heston",
"\"All warfare is based on deception.\" - Sun Tzu, The Art of War",
"\"Dive-bombed, napalmed, nuclear warheaded...\"",
"\"Do you see anything good coming out of this war?\"-\"Me. Alive.\"-Hawk",
"\"Dogs of war, and men of hate, with no cause, we don't discriminate\"",
"\"In space, all warriors are cold warriors.\" - Chang",
"\"In war there is no substitute for victory.\" - Douglas MacArthur",
"\"It is war that shapes peace, and armament that shapes war.\" -Fuller",
"\"Make deals, not war.\" - Swindle",
"\"Moderation in war is imbecility.\" Admiral John Fisher",
"\"My angels and my demons at war\"",
"\"No God, no war. Know God, know war\"",
"\"Patriotism...is the egg from which wars are hatched.\" -de Maupassant",
"\"Peace is an extension of war by political means.\" - Heinlein",
"\"The First Law of War: Never get involved in a land war in Asia.\"",
"\"The Second Law of War: Never march on Moscow!\"",
"\"The Third Law of War: Never *ever* attack the United States.\"",
"\"The United States has much to offer the third world war.\"",
"\"The War on Drugs\" - America's latest Vietnam.",
"\"The fear of war is worse than war itself.\" -Seneca",
"\"Then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade towards thy foe\"",
"\"There is nothing so subject to the inconstancy of fortune as war.\"",
"\"There is no good war or bad peace.\" B. Franklin",
"\"There'll always be another war.\" -- Frank Burns",
"\"There's only one truth about war: people die.\" - Sheridan",
"\"This means war!\" \"I thought it meant touchdown?\" - Animaniacs",
"\"This was a great war until you guys showed up.\"-Burns, to Trap & Hawk",
"\"To have good soldiers, a nation must always be at war.\" -Napoleon",
"\"To live is to war with trolls.\" * Henrik Ibsen",
"\"WAR : We Are Right\" - Chief Elder, Pangaea",
"\"War and whiskey don't mix.\" -- General Steele",
"\"War doesn't determine who's right War determines who's left\"",
"\"War hath no fury like a noncombatant's.\" - Montague",
"\"War is a matter of vital importance to the state.\" -Sun Tzu",
"\"War is an organized bore.\" -Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.",
"\"War is nothing but a duel on a larger scale.\" -Clausewitz",
"\"War is peace.\" - George Orwell's 1984",
"\"War is the playground of the ignorant.\" -- Highbrow",
"\"War is the science of destruction.\" -Abbott",
"\"War is the usual condition of Europe.\" -Kropotkin",
"\"War is...a trinity of violence, chance, and reason.\" -Clausewitz",
"\"War isn't a good life, but it's life.\" - Kirk",
"\"War would end if the dead could return.\" - Stanley Baldwin",
"\"War's a dirty game - and I'm a dirty player!\" - Blades, Autobot ",
"\"War. All that running around and shooting one another.\"",
"\"What if the enemy got this?\" - Frank. \"We'd win the war.\" - Potter",
"\"What if they had a war, and only chickens came ?\"",
"'Myth-conceptions are the major cause of wars!' - A. Hitler",
"5 second grenade fuses will burn down in 3 seconds. 'Murphy",
"A good shotgun prepares you for the game of war.",
"A nuclear war can ruin your whole day",
"A war worth waging is one against the poverty of ideas",
"After World War III, only roaches and lawyers will survive.",
"All missile, no warhead.",
"All of life is a war.",
"Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing. 'Murphy",
"Arch Duke Ferdinand found alive! First World War a mistake!",
"Armed Citizenry: Ultimate Bulwark against Tyranny!",
"Army food: The spoils of war.",
"Ban the bomb! Save the world for conventional warfare.",
"Bartucis: Movie about a spikey-haired Roman Warrior.",
"Beer math: 2 beers * 37 men = 49 cases. 'Murphy",
"Body-count math: 3 bodies + 1 maybe + 2 pigs = 37 enemy KIA. 'Murphy",
"Buy Israeli War Bagels",
"Civil War is an oxymoron",
"Coming Soon to a Theater of War Near You: Desert Storm II!",
"Cry *squeek* and let loose the ferrets of war!",
"Cry Havoc! And let slip the taglines of war... W. Tagspeare",
"Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war! --Shakespeare.",
"Diplomacy: the delicate weapon of the civilized warrior.",
"Do the words 'act of war' mean anything to you? ",
"Don't look conspicuous - it draws fire. 'Murphy",
"Don't worry about the war. It's all over but the shooting.",
"Draft beer, not people.",
"Dreams of war, dreams of liars, dreams of dragon's fire.",
"Even a war unicorn can't stand up to demononic halitosis. - Aahz",
"Fat Wars: May the Sauce Be With You.",
"Friendly fire - isn't. 'Murphy",
"I was a war baby. My parents took a look at me and started fighting.",
"I'm starting a War for Peace!",
"If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid. 'Murphy",
"If the enemy can't get in, you can't get out. 'Murphy",
"If the enemy is in range, SO ARE YOU! 'Murphy",
"If you are forward of your position, the artillery will fall short.",
"'Murphy",
"If you are short of everything but enemy, you are in combat. 'Murphy",
"If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush. 'Murphy",
"Imagination is our only weapon in the war against reality.",
"In a war whose escalation eradicates civil liberties, go for the win!",
"In an atomic war, all men will be cremated equally.",
"In case of nuclear war, prayer in schools will be okay.",
"In love there are two evils: war and peace. - Horace, 65-8BC",
"In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage. ",
"In the next Nuclear war, will we know all the bomb's names?",
"In time of war the laws are silent. - Cicero",
"Incoming fire has the right of way. 'Murphy",
"It's a sad fact that we can secure peace by preparing for war",
"Make Love, Not War. Get Married & Do BOTH!",
"Murphy was a grunt. 'Murphy",
"Never forget your weapon was made by the lowest bidder. 'Murphy",
"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection. 'Murphy",
"No plan survives the first contact intact. 'Murphy",
"Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support. 'Murphy",
"Remember the cold war? How pre-millennial!",
"Remember when a trojan was a warrior?",
"Stop trying to bring the war in under budget. - BJ to Maj. Burns",
"Suppressive fires - won't. 'Murphy",
"The best thing about war is the end of it",
"The diversion you are ignoring is the main attack. 'Murphy",
"The easy way is always mined. 'Murphy",
"The important things are always simple. 'Murphy",
"The side with the simplest uniforms wins. 'Maj Mark Cancian",
"The simple things are always hard. 'Murphy",
"The only drawback of total nuclear war is $#@#%^NO CARRIER",
"The only real winner of the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky.",
"The tragedy of war is using man's best to do man's worst",
"There's a war on and we've no time for violence. - Frank Burns",
"Tracer rounds work BOTH ways. 'Murphy",
"Try to look unimportant, the bad guys may be low on ammo. 'Murphy",
"WAR, n. A by-product of the arts of peace.",
"WAR: Fight 'em, whip 'em -- feed 'em and finance 'em.",
"WAR: Hi-tech natural selection.",
"War is God's way of teaching us geography.",
"When both sides think they will lose, they're both right. 'Murphy",
"When in doubt; empty the magazine. 'Murphy",
"When you have secured an area, ensure you tell the enemy. 'Murphy ",
"In a world without walls and fences - who needs windows and gates?!",
"Computers are like air conditioners, they stop working properly if you open Windows. ",
"My SPARCstation has air condition. No need to open windows.",
"Never trust an operating system you don't have sources for. ",
"\"Windows for dummies\", another term of \"this sentence no verb\" ",
"Microsoft broke Volkswagen's world record: Volkswagen only made 22 million bugs! ",
"IBM creates Operating Systems - MS-DOSn't ",
"Have you reinstalled your Windows today? ",
"Windows 95 the most popular virus on the market today. ",
"Windows95 - Plug and pray... ",
"Windows - The colorful clown suit for DOS ",
"Windows - a solitaire game that requires 16 MB and HD ",
"Windows - The best $89 solitaire game you can buy ",
"Windows - so intuitive you only need a meg of help files! ",
"If Windows is user-friendly, why do you need a 678-page manual? ",
"\"Fer sail cheep, Windows spel chekcer, wurks grate\" ",
"Windows =Waste in DOS WorkSpace ",
"Bang on the LEFT side of your computer to restart Windows ",
"Alt-F4. Just do it. ",
"Double your drive space: Delete Windows! ",
"Microsoft is to Software as McDonalds is to Cuisine ",
"Does someone know the cheats for Windows95? ",
"This is an airconditioned room - Do not open Windows! ",
"This virus requires Microsoft Windows 3.x ",
"OS/2 VirusScan -- \"Windows found: Remove it? [Y,Y]\" ",
"Favorite Windoze game: \"Guess what this icon does?\" ",
"Windows95 - crash compatible on Windows 3.x ",
"Windows NT - Nice Try ",
"Windows - a virus with mouse support ",
"Windows is for fun, OS/2 is for getting things done ",
"Windows vs OS/2 = Michael Jackson vs Mike Tyson ",
"Windows95 is out! (PC Magazine, April 2013) ",
"Windows95: New look, same multicrashing ",
"Windows95 will be released as soon as Windows 3.1 finishes loading ",
"Windows95 - Every function is a restart function... ",
"Windows95 does really have preemptive Multitasking: It can boot and crash at the same time. ",
"Windows NT - Insert wallet into Drive A: and press any key to empty ",
"Windows NT? New Technology? I don't think so... ",
"Windows - Just another pain in the glass ",
"Windows - Turn your Pentium into an XT... ",
"Windows - The Gates of hell ",
"Windows - From the people who brought you EDLIN! ",
"Windows - a XT emulator for an AT ",
"If Windows sucked it would be good for something ",
"DOS is just an operating system that runs Windows 3.1 ",
"DOS 6.0 and Windows 3.1 - A turtle and its shell ",
"Windows Multitasking - screwing up several things at once ",
"Windows found - remove? (Y)es (S)ure (F)ine (O)K ",
"Windows has the ability to screw up 2 things at the same time! ",
"If I wanted Windows, I'd live in a greenhouse! ",
"68.Microsoft's marketing: \"Windows is SEMI-shareware\" ",
"Are you using Windows or is that just an XT? ",
"Have you crashed your Windows today? ",
"Relax... you are entering a windows free zone ",
"OS/2... Opens up Windows, shuts up Gates ",
"New from McAfee: WinScan - Removes all Windows programs ",
"New Windows 4.0: programmed in Turbo Logo++ ",
"My latest screen saver: Curtains for Windows ",
"Masochist: Windows programmer with a smile! ",
"I'll never forget the 1st time I ran Windows, but I'm trying... ",
"I still miss Windows, but my aim is getting better ",
"Father, forgive me, I've been caught using Windows... ",
"Exhibitionists love Windows ",
"Despite my car having windows, it still isn't mouse driven! ",
"Bang on the LEFT side of your computer to restart Windows ",
"Breaking Windows isn't just for kids anymore... ",
"Beat me, whip me, make me use Windows! ",
"A computer without Windows is like a fish without a bicycle ",
"Difference between a virus and windows? Viruses rarely fail. ",
"Time on your hands? Get Windows! ",
"Hiroshima '45 - Tschernobyl '86 - Windows '95 ",
"What's the best of Windows95? The deinstaller! ",
"Mouse not present - click twice to continue... ",
"Who the fuck is General Failure? And why is he reading my harddisk? ",
"Windows NT: Nice Try ",
"Windows NT: Insert wallet into Drive A: and press any key to empty ",
"Life without danger is a waste of oxygen.",
"Never run after buses or women: you'll always get left behind.",
"ERROR 406: file corrupt: config.earth -- reboot universe? (Y/N) ",
"\"I am logged in, therefore I am.\" ",
"The truth is out there? Anyone knows the URL? ",
"Old programmers never die; they just give up their resources. ",
"God invented man because Eve's vibrator ran out of batteries.",
"God invented Women because he wanted a good laugh.",
"My wife ran away with my best friend. I sure miss him.",
"Half of the people in the world are below average.",
"Life in a vacuum sucks.",
"What method does Kurt Cobain use to collect his thoughts? A spatula.",
"RUNTIME ERROR 6D at 417A: 32CF: Incompetent user ",
"\"Calm down. It's only ones and zeros.\" ",
"To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so. ",
"(001) Logic Error CLINTON.SYS: Truth table missing ",
"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.",
"(D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza. ",
"Computers can never replace human stupidity ",
"Politics: Poli (many) - tics (blood sucking parasites) ",
"You'll get what's coming to you ... Unless mailed ",
"You're only young once; you can be immature f'ever ",
"On a tombstone: \"I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK\"",
"Your E-Mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage",
"Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk? ",
"I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got! ",
"We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. ",
"Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake! ",
"He who laughs last thinks slowest! ",
"I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. ",
"When there's a will, I want to be in it. ",
"\"Charlie was a Chemist, but Charlie is no more. What Charlie thought was H20 was H2SO4.\" ",
"\"Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's hand grenades I throw...\" ",
"\"I tried to think but nothing happened!\" - Curly ",
"\"Suicide Hotline...please hold.\" ",
"\"To err is human, to forgive....$5.00\" ",
"Tis better to be thought a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt.",
"(A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with large hammer ",
"(A)bort, (R)etry, (P)retend this never happened... ",
"Bugs come in through open Windows. ",
"A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it. ",
"A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing. ",
"A pessimist is never disappointed. ",
"All life's answers are on TV. - Bart Simpson ",
"All work and no play, will make you a manager. ",
"Alone: In bad company. ",
"Always glad to share my ignorance - I've got plenty. ",
"Always proof-read carefully to see if you any words out. ",
"As I said before, I never repeat myself. ",
"BREAKFAST.COM Halted... Cereal Port Not Responding. ",
"Barium: what you do with dead chemists. ",
"Black holes really suck... ",
"Blessed are the pessimists, for they make backups! ",
"Blessed is the end-user who expects nothing, for ye shall not be disappointed.",
"Brain dysfunction detected... ",
"Brain over - Insert coin ",
"Breathing may be hazardous to your health. ",
"COMMAND: A suggestion made to a computer. ",
"Chess players mate better. ",
"Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space. ",
"Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime? ",
"Do not disturb. Already disturbed! ",
"Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected? ",
"Don't confuse me with facts, my mind's already made up! ",
"Don't talk unless you can improve the silence. ",
"Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. ",
"FATAL SYSTEM ERROR: Press F13 to continue... ",
"Facts are stubborn things. ",
"Feel lucky???? Update your software! ",
"Follow-ups to alt.nobody.really.cares ",
"Gravity doesn't exist. Earth sucks. ",
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional!! ",
"H lp! S m b d st l ll th v w ls fr m m k yb rd! ",
"How do you make Windows faster ? Throw it harder ",
"I am built for comfort, not speed! ",
"I don't care who you are, Fatso. Get the reindeer off my roof! ",
"I don't have a solution but I admire the problem. ",
"I had a life once... now I have a computer and a modem. ",
"I think, therefore I am. I think. ",
"I think. Therefore I am DANGEROUS. ",
"I tried switching to gum but I couldn't keep it lit. ",
"I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect. ",
"I'm not a complete idiot - several parts are missing. ",
"I've got to sit down and work out where I stand. ",
"If I save the whales, where do I keep them? ",
"If I save time, when do I get it back ? ",
"If at first you don't succeed, put it out for beta test. ",
"If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. ",
"If in doubt, make it sound convincing. ",
"If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? ",
"If you're not confused, you're not paying attention. ",
"In case of emergency, break glass. Scream. Bleed to death ",
"Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids. ",
"It said \"Insert disk #3\", but only two will fit! ",
"It's not just a hobby, it's an obsession! ",
"Just do it. Just did it. Just do me.",
"Just what part of \"NO\" didn't you understand...? ",
"Justice: A decision in your favour. ",
"Kill them all! ... Let God sort them out. ",
"Love is blind, marriage is the eye-opener. ",
"My message above. Your response here ____________. ",
"NETWORK: What fishermen do when not fishing. ",
"Never assume. It makes an \"ass\" out of \"u\" and \"me\". ",
"Never hit a man with glasses. Use your fist! ",
"Pi R squared. Nooo! Pie R round, cornbread R square! ",
"So many lawyers, so few bullets. ",
"So many pedestrians, so little time. ",
"Socialism is the equal distribution of poverty. ",
"Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (yep/Nope) ",
"Stay Alert. Stay Awake. Stay Alive. ",
"Suicide is the most sincere form of self criticism. ",
"Take my advice, I don't use it anyway. ",
"The rich get richer; the poor get babies. ",
"The young know the rules, the old know the exceptions. ",
"This is just a hobby. Perfection is not required. Fun is. ",
"This score just in: OS/2, Windows 0. ",
"Trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again! ",
"Truthful: Dumb and illiterate. ",
"Was today really Necessary? ",
"Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray ",
"What has four legs and an arm? A happy pitbull. ",
"Who is \"they\" anyway? ",
"Why are you looking down here? The joke is above! ",
"Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition. ",
"You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. ",
"You can't have everything...where would you put it? ",
"hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY? ",
"Life is a sexually transmitted disease with 100% mortality. ",
"If you think sex is a pain in the ass, you're doing it wrong. ",
"Ya know...I always look for inner beauty in a woman. Once inner...beauty! ",
"If Clinton is the answer it must been a stupid question.",
"Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips. ",
"I may be fat, but your ugly - I can lose weight! ",
"Assassins do it from behind! ",
"Learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control! ",
"Old musicians don't die... they just decompose.",
"The only real difference between an oral and rectal thermometer is the taste.",
"I did a drot of lugs in college, I hink I thave dain bramage.",
"Lottory: A tax on people who don't understand statistics.",
"Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.",
"A man is not complete until he is married -- then he is finished.",
"Marriage is not a word: it is a sentence.",
"Im not as think as you drunk i am.",
"I have the heart of a child. I keep it in a jar.",
"Eat shit! A million flies can't be wrong.",
"You show the sensitivity of a Medieval Dentist.",
"Life is not a cabaret. It's a fucking circus.",
"Here's to all the kisses I've snatched, and vice versa...",
"Born an Asshole (The rest grew later)",
"Jesus is coming, look busy",
"Heaven won't have me and Hell's afraid I'll take over.",
"I'm so thirsty I'd lick the water out of Clinton's diarrhea...",
"I'm sorry if I grossed you out. I shouldn't have used Clinton..",
"Same shit, different day.",
"To Err is human, to forgive is simply not our policy.",
"Smash forehead on keyboard to continue. ",
"Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.",
"Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS.",
"For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.",
"Best file compression around: \"DEL *.*\" = 100% compression",
"The name is Baud... James Baud.",
"BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!",
"E Pluribus Modem",
"... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)",
"Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...",
"ASCII a stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!",
"We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.",
"\"Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes!\"",
"Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.",
"Never trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.",
"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?",
"Eat right, exercise daily, live clean, die anyway.",
"VENI, VIDI, VISA - I CAME, I SAW, I SHOPPED",
"Hold a hard drive to your ear -- listen to the C:",
"Jesus Saves -- passes to Moses, shoots, SCORES!",
"Jesus Saves! Moses Invests!",
"To err is human; To moo is bovine.",
"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.",
"REHAB is for quitters.",
"Men are like toilets: the good ones are taken, the rest are full of shit.",
"Death to all fanatics!",
"Conserve energy... fart in a jar.",
"It's all fun and games,'till someone loses an eye! Then it's a *SPORT*",
"Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit.",
"Single women can't fart: You have to get married to have an asshole.",
"Two thirds of Americans can't do fractions. The other half, just doesn't care.",
"There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.",
"I'm so horny, even the crack of dawn looks good.",
"Concorde: Breakfast in London - Lunch in New York - Luggage in Bombay",
"Chemist who fall in acid, absorbed in work.",
"Girl laid in tomb may soon become mummy.",
"If you park, don't drink, accidents cause people.",
"It easier to meet girl in park than park meat in girl.",
"9 out of 10 men who try Camels prefer women.",
"Flies spread disease -- Keep yours closed!",
"Follow that car, Godzilla -- and step on it!",
"Electricians do it till it Hz. ",
"Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.",
"We take drugs very seriously at my house.",
"FAQ (fah-Q)",
"Its hard to get a \"head\" in the world...",
"Support wildlife... throw parties!",
"1024x768x256... Sounds like one mean woman.",
"Contraceptives: To be used on all conceivable occasions.",
"f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.",
"OLD ACADEMICS never die, they just lose their faculties ",
"OLD ACCOUNTANTS never die, they just lose their balance",
"OLD ACCOUNTS never die, they are deleted",
"OLD ACTORS never die, they just drop a part",
"OLD ALCAHOLICS/DRUG ADDICTS never die, they just get wasted",
"OLD ANTHROPOLOGISTS never die, they just become history",
"OLD ARCHERS never die, they just bow and quiver",
"OLD ARCHITECTS never die, they just lose their structures",
"OLD ASSETS never die, they just depreciate",
"OLD ASTRONAUTS never die, they just go to another world",
"OLD ATOMS never die, they just decay",
"OLD BANKERS never die, they just lose interest",
"OLD BANKERS never die, they just want to be a loan",
"OLD BASEBALL PLAYERS never die, they just go batty",
"OLD BASEBALL PLAYERS never die, they just run their last lap",
"OLD BASKETBALL players never die, they just go on dribbling",
"OLD BEEKEEPERS never die, they just buzz off",
"OLD BIKERS never die, but they're hard on tires",
"OLD BIOLOGISTS never die, they just ferment away",
"OLD BLONDES never fade, they just dye away",
"OLD BOOKKEEPERS never die, they just lose their figures",
"OLD BOOKS never die, they just go out-of-print",
"OLD BOWLERS never die, they just end up in the gutter",
"OLD BRAKES never die, they just grind down",
"OLD BRIDGE PLAYERS never die, they just lose their finesse",
"OLD BRIDGE PLAYERS never die, they just sit around on their fat aces",
"OLD BUDGETS never die, they are fillibustered",
"OLD BUREAUCRATS never die, they just waste away",
"OLD BURGLARS never die, they just steal away",
"OLD BUSINESSES never die, they just get consolidated",
"OLD CANNERS never die, they are preserved",
"OLD CARS never die, they just get run into the ground",
"OLD CASHIERS never die, they just check out",
"OLD CHAUFFEURS never die, they just lose their drive",
"OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just do it inorganically",
"OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just fail to react",
"OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just lose their refluxes",
"OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just reach equilibrium",
"OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just smell that way",
"OLD CLEANING PEOPLE never die, they just kick the bucket",
"OLD COMPOSERS never die, they just decompose",
"OLD COMPUTER PEOPLE never die, they just lose their memory",
"OLD COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS never die, they just byte the dust",
"OLD COOKS never die, they just get deranged",
"OLD COURIERS never die, they just keep on EXPRESSing it! -",
"OLD CREDIT CARDS never die, they just expire",
"OLD CRICKETERS never die, they just get bowled over",
"OLD CRICKETERS never die, they just get smashed for six",
"OLD DANCERS never die, they just step away",
"OLD DAREDEVILS never die, they just get discouraged",
"OLD DEANS never die, they just lose their faculties",
"OLD DENTISTS never die, they just lose their pull",
"OLD DIETERS never die, they just waist away",
"OLD DIVERS never die, they just extend their bottom time",
"OLD DIVERS never die, they just flop",
"OLD DIVERS never die, they just get board",
"OLD DIVERS never die, they just lose their spring",
"OLD DOCTORS never die, they just lose their patience",
"OLD EDITORS do it with a red pen",
"OLD ELECTRICAL ENGINEERS never die, they just have slower rise times",
"OLD ELECTRICIANS never die, they just do it until it Hz",
"OLD ELECTRICIANS never die, they just lose contact",
"OLD ENERGIZER BUNNIES never die, they go on, and on, and on...",
"OLD ENGINEERS never die, they just lose their bearings",
"OLD ENGLISH MAJORS do it with Strunk and White",
"OLD ENVIRONMENTALISTS never die, they are just recycled",
"OLD ESKIMOES never die, they just get cold feet",
"OLD ESKIMOES never die, they just go cold",
"OLD EXORCISTS never die, they just give up the ghost",
"OLD FARMERS never die, they just go to seed",
"OLD FARMERS never die, they just spade away",
"OLD FATHERS never die, they just become grandfathers",
"OLD FISHERMEN never die, their rods just go limp",
"OLD FISHERMEN never die, they just get reel tired",
"OLD FISHERMEN never die, they just smell that way",
"OLD FOOTBALL PLAYERS never die, they just go to the end zone",
"OLD FOOTBALLERS never die, they just kick the bucket",
"OLD FORESTERS never die, they just pine away",
"OLD FRIDGE REPAIRMEN never die, they just blow their cool",
"OLD FROGS never die, they just croak",
"OLD FRUIT never die, it just pear-ishes",
"OLD GARAGEMEN never die, they just retire",
"OLD GEOLOGISTS never die, they just recrystalize",
"OLD GHOST TOWNS never die, they become desolate",
"OLD GOLFERS never die, they just lose their balls",
"OLD GOLFERS never die, they just lose their drive",
"OLD GRAPHIC ARTISTS never die, they just de-rez",
"OLD GYMNASTS never die, they just take longer to mount",
"OLD HAMS never die, they just get grounded",
"OLD HARDWARE ENGINEERS never die, they just cache in their chips",
"OLD HELSINKI TOURISTS never die, they just vanish into Finn Air",
"OLD HIKERS never die, they just trail away",
"OLD HIPPIES never die, they just smell that way",
"OLD HOCKEY PLAYERS never die, they just achieve their final goal",
"OLD HOMEBREWERS never die, they just ferment away",
"OLD HUNTERS never die, they just stay LOADED",
"OLD HYPOCHONDRIACS never die, they just imagine it",
"OLD HYPOCHONDRIACS never die, they just lose their grippe",
"OLD IMMORTALS [vampires, whatever] never die, they just...don't",
"OLD INTERPRETERS (for the deaf) never die, they just sign off",
"OLD INVESTORS never die, they just roll over",
"OLD JOKES never die, they just get retold by the young",
"OLD JOURNALISTS never die, they just get de-pressed",
"OLD KAYAKERS never die, they just roll back over, and do it again",
"OLD KEY PUNCH OPERATORS never die, they just punch out",
"OLD KIDS never die, they just adulterate",
"OLD KIDS never die, they just grow up",
"OLD KNIGHTS IN CHAIN MAIL never die, they just shuffle off their metal coils",
"OLD LASER PHYSICISTS never die, they just become incoherent",
"OLD LAWYERS never die, they just lose their appeal",
"OLD LAWYERS never die, they just lose their briefs",
"OLD LIBRARIANS never die, their computers have Fatal Errors",
"OLD LIBRARIANS never die, they just check out",
"OLD LIBRARIANS never die, they just get re-shelved",
"OLD LIBRARIANS never die, they just lose their references",
"OLD LIGHT BULBS never die, they just blink out",
"OLD LIMBO DANCERS never die, they just go under",
"OLD LINGUISTS never die, they just rearrange their deep structures",
"OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just disappear",
"OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just float away",
"OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just make a big production of it",
"OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just they just change color",
"OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just they're just fooling themselves",
"OLD MAIDS count on fingers, but young girls count on legs",
"OLD MATH TEACHERS never die, they just reduce to lowest terms",
"OLD MATHEMATICIANS never die, they just disintegrate",
"OLD MATHEMATICIANS never die, they just go off on a tangent",
"OLD MATHEMATICIANS never die, they just lose some functions",
"OLD MEDIUMS never die, they are just visiting their friends",
"OLD MERCENARIES never die, they find someone else to take their place",
"OLD MERCENARIES never die, they just go to hell to regroup",
"OLD METEORS never die, they just burn up",
"OLD MILKMAIDS never die, they just lose their whey",
"OLD MINISTERS never die -- they just go out to pastor",
"OLD MP's never die, they just attain peerage",
"OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just decompose",
"OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just get played out",
"OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just go from bar to bar",
"OLD NUCLEAR POWER PLANTS never die, they just go off-line",
"OLD NUMERICAL ANALYSTS never die, they just get disarrayed",
"OLD OWLS never die, they just don't give a hoot",
"OLD PACIFISTS never die, they just go to peaces",
"OLD PARADOXES never die, they just become enigmas",
"OLD PHOTOGRAPHERS never die, they get sent to the old focus home",
"OLD PHOTOGRAPHERS never die, they just stop developing",
"OLD PILOTS never die, they just buzz off",
"OLD PILOTS never die, they just go to a higher plane",
"OLD PLANETS never die, they just lose their attraction",
"OLD PLASTIC never dies, they just recycle it",
"OLD PLUMBERS never die, they just go down the drain",
"OLD POLICEMEN never die, they just cop out",
"OLD POSTAL CARRIERS never die, they just lose their zip",
"OLD PRINTERS never die, they're just not the type",
"OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just byte it",
"OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just decompile",
"OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just get bugged with life",
"OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just go to bits",
"OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just lose their memory ",
"OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just move to new addresses",
"OLD PROGRAMMING WIZARDS never die, they just recurse",
"OLD PROPANE TANKS never die, they just run out of gas",
"OLD PROSITUTES never die, they just fake away...",
"OLD PUNTERS never die, they just go horse",
"OLD QUARTERBACKS never die, they just fade back and pass away",
"OLD QUILTERS never die, they just go to pieces",
"OLD QUILTERS never die, they just go under cover",
"OLD RADIOS never die, they just stop receiving",
"OLD RAILROADERS never die, they just derail",
"OLD RAIN PUDDLES never die, they just dry up",
"OLD SAILORS never die, they just get a little \"DINGHY\"",
"OLD SAILORS never die, they just lose their porpoise",
"OLD SALESMEN never die, they just go out of commission",
"OLD SCHOOLS never die, they just lose their principals",
"OLD SCOTS never die, but they can be kilt",
"OLD SCULPTORS never die, they just lose their marbles",
"OLD SEAMSTRESSES never die, they just come to the point ",
"OLD SEERS never die, they just lose their vision",
"OLD SEWAGE WORKERS never die, they just waste away",
"OLD SHEETROCKERS (dry wallers) never die, they just hang around",
"OLD SHOES MAKERS never die, they just lose their sole",
"OLD SKIERS never die, but they go downhill fast",
"OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just achieve their final goal",
"OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just lose their kick",
"OLD SOLDIERS never die, they just fade away",
"OLD SOLDIERS never die, they just smell that way",
"OLD SOLDIERS never die, young ones do",
"OLD SOURDOUGHS never die, they just ferment away",
"OLD SPELUNKERS never die, they just cave in",
"OLD STEELMAKERS never die, they just lose their temper",
"OLD STUDENTS never die, they just get degraded",
"OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just fall off their blocks",
"OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just have a stroke",
"OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just kick-off",
"OLD SYSTEM USERS never die, they just chdir to NULL",
"OLD TANNERS never die, they just go into hiding",
"OLD TAPE DISPENSERS never die, they just get used up",
"OLD TEACHERS never die, they just lose their class",
"OLD TELEPHONES never die, they just stop ringing",
"OLD THERMODYNAMICISTS never die, they just achieve their stateof maximum entropy",
"OLD TIRE TUBES never die, they just get punctured",
"OLD TRASH never dies, they just bury it",
"OLD TRIGONOMETRY TEACHERS never die, they just lose their identities",
"OLD TROMBONISTS never die - they just slide away...",
"OLD TRUCK DRIVERS never die; they just get a new Peterbilt",
"OLD TV SHOWS never die, they just get rerun on Nickelodeon",
"OLD TV SOAP STARS never die, they become pathetic",
"OLD USENETTERS never die, they just become unresponsive",
"OLD VACATIONERS never die, they just don't come back",
"OLD VIOLINISTS never die - they just become unstrung.",
"OLD VOICEMAIL SYSTEMS never die, they just stop answering",
"OLD WANTS never die, they become needs",
"OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just run out of time",
"OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just unwind",
"OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just wind down",
"OLD WEATHERMEN never die, they reign forever",
"OLD WHITE WATER RAFTERS never die, they just get disgorged",
"OLD WOOL COATS never die, they just become mothballed",
"OLD WRESTLERS never die, they just lose their grip",
"OLD YACHTSMEN never die, they just keel over",
"WALT DISNEY didn't die, he's in suspended animation",
"Why do baseball players wear baseball caps in indoor stadiums?",
"When will somebody make a women's magazine that doesn't make you sneeze?",
"Why is there an interstate highway in Hawaii?",
"Why is it called a TV \"set\" if it's only one?",
"Why is the guy who invests all our money called a \"broker?\"",
"Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?",
"What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?",
"Do fish get cramps after eating?",
"Why are there 5 syllables in the word \"monosylabic\"?",
"Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?",
"When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?",
"Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not adoor?",
"If \"con\" is the opposite of \"pro,\" then what is the opposite of progress?",
"Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?",
"Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?",
"Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as \"4's\"?",
"Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?",
"If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?",
"Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?",
"Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?",
"Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?",
"Why, when you're drying your wet hair, does it always seem like the phone is ringing?",
"What ever happened to streakers?",
"Does anybody really brush their teeth three times a day?",
"Is there scientific proof that those little windshield wipers on car headlights are worthwhile?",
"Why do baseball players wear their hats in indoor arenas?",
"Why can't dogs smile?",
"Why, when you're sitting in a movie theater, does it always seem like the lights are dimming?",
"How do you throw away a trashcan?",
"When will somebody make a women's magazine that doesn't make you sneeze?",
"Why can't you tickle yourself to make yourself laugh?",
"When will we drop the word \"cool\" and what do you think it will be replaced by?",
"What is the difference between \"partly cloudy\" and \"partly sunny\"?",
"Why does the color orange signify decaffeination?",
"\"...One ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them...\" JRR Tolkien ",
"\"640K ought to be enough for anyone.\" - Bill Gates, 1981 ",
"\"95% of success is showing up.\" -- Mark Twain ",
"\"A good traveller has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving.\" -- Lao Tzu ",
"\"Because I could not stop for Death,",
"He kindly stopped for me on his Miata.\" ",
"\"Belief means not wanting to know what is true.\" [Nietzche, The Anti-Christ, 1889] ",
"\"Black holes are where God divided by zero.\" ",
"\"Bless me Father, I ate a lizard\" from \"A Canticle For Liebowitz by Arthur Miller\" ",
"\"Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.\" -- Pablo Picasso ",
"\"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.\" - Popular Mechanics, 1949 ",
"\"Design is the process of changing your mind until you get it right.\" ",
"\"Don't call in sick, call in dead.\" ",
"\"Don't lick something unless you really mean it.\" Naked Dancing LLama at www.frolic.org ",
"\"Don't panic, it's just an undocumented feature\" ",
"\"Finders Keepers... Losers SUCK!!!\" -- My 6 year old half-sister ",
"\"Floating asteroids...gotta buy school supplies...your sulking in it.\" - Spaceghost ",
"\"For who in their life hasn't burned some public building or another?\" -Graham Chapman ",
"\"Free the Springfield Two, Marge!\" - Homer J. Simpson ",
"\"Fuck It,\" says Chris. ",
"\"God is dead.\" -Nietzche \"Nietzche is dead.\" -God ",
"\"God is dead.\" -Nietzche \"Nietzche is dead.\" -God \"Nietzche is God.\" -The Dead ",
"\"God, root, what is difference?\"--Pitr ",
"\"He's got big Balls, She's got big Balls. But We've got the biggest Balls of them All!\" ",
"\"History is a set of lies agreed upon.\" - Napoleon ",
"\"Houston, we have a problem...\" -- James Lovell, Apollo 13 ",
"\"I AM DEATH, NOT TAXES. *I* TURN UP ONLY ONCE\", said Death. ",
"\"I can't imagine ever needing more than 640K.\" - Bill Gates, 1981 ",
"\"I die as I lived. Beyond my means\" - Oscar Wilde on his deathbed ",
"\"I drank WHAT?\" -- Socrates ",
"\"I know, let's sing 'Kyle's Mom is a stupid bitch in D-minor!'\" - cartman ",
"\"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.\" -- Douglas Adams ",
"\"I only mind the voices in my head when they don't speak English.\" - Ajax ",
"\"I see,\" said the blind man to his deaf daughter while he picked up a hammer and saw. ",
"\"I think not\", said Descartes before disappearing in a puff of smoke. ",
"\"I'd rather be an adjective than a gerund.\" Tom Stoppard (loosely quoted) ",
"\"I'd take you outside and horsewhip you if I had a horse\" - Groucho Marx ",
"\"I'm not hurting you, I'm just patting your nice Jewish hair!\" ",
"\"I'm psycho.\" \"We're history.\" \"Whose idea were the passwords?\" ",
"\"If everything is under control, you are moving too slow.\" (Mario Andretti) ",
"\"In times of crisis, it is of utmost importance not to lose one's head.\" -- M. Antoinette ",
"\"Inside me there is a thin person trying to get out!\"",
"\"Oh? Just the one, dear?\" ",
"\"Internet Explorer 5, also great for target practice!\" ",
"\"It's a trick - get an ax.\" ",
"\"Life is not an emergency!!\" -Stephan ",
"\"Make up your mind. Is it a drug, a virus, or a religion?\" ",
"\"Man has never really invented a decent chicken\" - Kehlog Ahlbran ",
"\"Marge, it takes two to lie: one to lie and one to listen.\" - Homer S. ",
"\"NAPSTER!\" \"NAPSTER!\".... \"Napster\" of Puppets is downloading your life away... ",
"\"Never believe in anything until it has been officially denied.\" - Otto von Bismarck ",
"\"Nice and slow, see? That's the way to do it.\" - Random Criminal to Fred Flintstone ",
"\"No matter how hard you try, you cannot cram infinity into 32 bits.\"--E. Carl Zimmerman ",
"\"No meestah Bond...I expect you to die!\" ",
"\"No one with a Monte Carlo needs to be justified\" -Stephen J. Glowoski ",
"\"Nothing makes you appreciate the weekend like idiots.\"--Jen ",
"\"Now you will see that Evil will always triumph because Good is dumb.\" - Dark Helmet ",
"\"OK, Mulder, but I'm warning you - if this is monkey pee, you're own your own.\" ",
"\"One's too many, two is not enough.\" ",
"\"Plain hamburger with nothing on it, or hamburger without the meat?\" From Narcis ",
"\"Please release me, let me go...\" ",
"\"Problems with grammar have I\" -Yoda ",
"\"Push to test.\" (click) \"Release to detonate...\" ",
"\"Reports no loss of valuable equipment. In other news, 300 job openings are now available.\" ",
"\"Resistance is Futile, You Will Be Assimilated\" ",
"\"Save me Jebus... Save me! \" -Homer ",
"\"She afraid of squid, crazy child!\" ",
"\"Sheah, right\" ",
"\"So I type here and then click the little button thingy??\" -- Typical End-User ",
"\"Software is like sex: it's better when it's free\" -- Linus Torvalds ",
"\"Some mornings it just isn't worth chewing through the leather straps.\" Emo Phillips ",
"\"Spare no expense to save money on this one.\" - Samuel Goldwyn ",
"\"That's a bad connection.\" \"That's what a 56kbps dialin sounds like.\" ",
"\"That's right,\" he said. \"We're philosophers. We think, therefore we am.\" ",
"\"The ability to quote may serve readily for wit.\" - Witty Person ",
"\"The clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society\" - Mark Twain ",
"\"The evil stops here!\" --Petr ",
"\"The people who made your PC fast and reliable\"??? When did Linus start an ISP? ",
"\"There Is No bug\" - (power of mental debugging) ",
"\"This is a light sabre\" - \"I've never heard it called _that_ before\" ",
"\"This is a revolution, dammit! We're going to offend SOMEBODY!\" - John Adams ",
"\"Time is cyclic\" Transputer - Compiler writer's guide ",
"\"To defeat owner in savage combat, please use rear door.\" - sign at Tendo Dojo ",
"\"To punish me for my contempt for authority, fate made me an authority myself\", Albert Einstien ",
"\"To start press any key\" -Where is the any-key? ",
"\"To understand recursion, one must first understand recursion.\" ",
"\"Uh, Rob, are you using metric time again?\" ",
"\"Um... this glass is dog, the other's cat. No? They're both cat?\" ",
"\"WARNING: Excessive use of technology can enslave mankind.\" promo for the Sci-Fi Channel ",
"\"WARNING: Your operating system is unfamiliar.\" -- Bongo ",
"\"WHAT CAN THE HARVEST HOPE FOR, IF NOT FOR THE CARE OF THE REAPER MAN?\", said Death. ",
"\"We are ALL Chartered Accountants.\" \"Except me. I am a gorilla.\" ",
"\"We are all worms, but I do believe I am a glow-worm.\"--Winston S. Churchill ",
"\"Whack whack whack!\" -- Dostoevsky, to a dead horse ",
"\"What are you lookin' at? I know what you're thinkin'. You ain't got the balls . . . no balls.\" ",
"\"When I was a very small bug, very small bugs talked to me...\" - New Order ",
"\"When in times of crisis, it is of utmost importance not to lose one's head.\" -- M. Antoinette ",
"\"Where \"Life\" is a four letter word\" - system@freds.cojones.com ",
"\"Who is peer and why is he resetting my connection?\" ",
"\"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?\" - H M Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927. ",
"\"Work is the curse of the drinking classes\" ",
"\"Yield to temptation, it may not pass your way again.\" - L. Long ",
"\"You can't look at the sky, without looking right through it\" ",
"\"You have the right to remain silent.\" \"I choose to waive that right - bwahaaagh!\" ",
"\"You have to mount it before you fsck it\" ",
"\"You know the end of the world is near when the Spice Girls start reproducing.\" - Anderson Reggio ",
"\"You must excuse me. I'm living in an animated Stephen King musical today.\" --- Seanan McGuire ",
"\"You must not fight too often with one enemy, or you will teach them your art of war.\" - Napoleon ",
"\"Young fool. Only now, at the end, do you understand.\" - Emperor Palpatine ",
"\"`Is not a quine' is not a quine\" is a quine. ",
"\"no-one said world domination would be easy\" - (unknown, ehand.com) ",
"\"some people ask me about God and Life and I just say \"seven\". ",
"#include Brain.h> ",
"<syd> beta - 'b'ugs 'e'xist 't'ry 'a'gain. ",
"'Cos we're the Smart Party! ",
"'Crunchy frog'? What sort of flavour's that? ",
"'Hello World', 17 errors, 31 warnings ",
"'No, 'Eureka!' is Greek for 'this bath is too hot!' ",
"'tis an ill wind that blows no minds ",
"+++ Divide By Cucumber Error. Please Reinstall Universe And Reboot +++ ",
"+++OUT OF CHEESE ERROR: REDO FROM START+++ ",
"... so I did the same thing to the dog's leg ... ",
"...starring in \"The Fly who Bugged Me\". ",
"...there are no bugs, only users who use things the wrong way... ",
"186,000 miles per second. It's not just a good idea, it's the law! ",
"2+2=5 for large values of 2 ",
"25 cents to anyone who bids a dollar ",
"2b || !2b ",
"42? is that all you've got to show for seven and a half million years work? ",
"90% of anything is crap - the Internet especially so. ",
"How could I break the Mac? I don't even BUILD on the Mac! ",
"A Bug's Life :) ",
"A Communicator access a day helps keep micro$oft's fury at bay... ",
"A Spliff a Day Keeps the Doctor Away ",
"A TRUE Klingon warrior does not comment his code! ",
"A bad day with *nix is still better than a good day with 'Doze. ",
"A bird in the hand will leave quite a mess.... ",
"A bug is only a bug until you squash it. ",
"A carrot is as close as a rabbit gets to a diamond. ",
"A chicken is an egg's way of making more eggs. ",
"A conclusion is where you got tired of thinking. ",
"A dingo stole my baby! ",
"A famous quip: \"We'll be voting Tory at the next election.\" ",
"A fate worse than a fate worse than death... --Black Adder ",
"A few bugs here, A few bugs there... It'll be done by tomorrow - I promise! ",
"A file system browser ought to be enough for anyone... ",
"A good name is better than riches. ",
"A guy walks into a bar... and says 'Ouch!' ",
"A hamburger is only a hamburger until you add the cheese. ",
"A hamburger only becomes a cheeseburger once you've added the cheese in it. ",
"A hen is an egg's way of making more eggs. ",
"A hogshead of cough syrup a day keeps the . . . (clunk). ",
"A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, \"why the long face?\" ",
"A little nonsense now and then, is relished by the wisest of men ",
"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls. (Dan Quayle) ",
"A man is only as old as the woman he feels. --Groucho Marx ",
"A man is only half a man when he is choped in half ",
"A man, a plan, a canal, Panama. ",
"A marmot or a marmite pot? ",
"A new random quip.. coming to a buglist near you... ",
"A nut for a jar of tuna ",
"A quip a day keeps Closed Source away ! ",
"A quip, a quip, my kindom for a quip !!! ",
"A rhinoceros is a horse designed to military specification. ",
"A ship in a harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for. ",
"A sign that says \"Long haired freaky people need not apply\" never existed. ",
"A small good deed is better than the grandest intentions. ",
"A three legged dog walks into a bar and sez \"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw\". ",
"A witty saying proves nothing. --Voltaire ",
"A: Because we're radicals and B: Because we're not! ",
"ACH! zarro boogs en me heed ",
"ASCII a stupid question, get an EBCDIC answer ",
"ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI! ",
"AVOID MISSING BALL FOR HIGH SCORE ",
"Absolute addressing corrupts absolutely ",
"Adam was Version 1.0; Eve was the bug fix. ",
"Add insult to injury. Pour salt on that wound. ",
"Ah, I see you've got the machine that goes 'ping!' That's my favourite. ",
"All I asked for was a simple rotating chair! Throw me a frickin' bone here! ",
"All I need is a warm bed, kind word and unlimited power. ",
"All generalizations are false. ",
"All strongly held opinions should be strongly opposed. ",
"All that glitters has a high refractive index ",
"All the baby animals - they don't know that they're ugly. ",
"All these bugs... what happened to the Fourth Amendment? ",
"All words are false. Do I speak the truth? ",
"Always look on the bright side of life, doo to dou (whistling) ",
"Always older than yesterday; but then again always younger than tomorrow. ",
"Always wash your hands after using a public restroom ",
"An Atheist's tombstone reads: \"All dressed up and nowhere to go\" ",
"An OS is too big if installation requires more than one reboot. ",
"An alcoholic is someone who drinks more than his doctor. ",
"An expert makes his mistakes quietly. ",
"And God Created Bugzilla ",
"And all this time you thought you were *reducing* the number of bugs .... ",
"And darkness falls across the land...awaiting the rise of the scaled one! ",
"And if you save yourself, you will make him happy! ",
"And in case of emergency, bugzilla may be used as a quotation device. ",
"And it so falls out that what we have we prize not whilst we enjoy it... ",
"And on the 8th day He said, OK Murphy, you take over. ",
"And what is the biggest bug of all? BugZilla of course! ",
"And yes I'm all lit up again. I love the Rogaine(tm) I love the Rogaine(tm) ",
"Andre the Giant has some coffee ",
"Answer the phone naked. Callers will hear it in your voice. ",
"Answers: $100, Short: $500, Correct: $2500... I can't stop inflation! ",
"Anthill Inside ",
"Any bugs are too hard to fix become features in the finished product ",
"Anyone want an http client for a ZX81? ",
"Anything done out of love is beyond good and evil - Nietzsche ",
"Aphorisms aren't everything. -- Tom Neff ",
"Apparent omniscience through obliquity. ",
"Area = Pi*r^2 -- No no!! Pie are round, cornbread are square! ",
"Artificial intelligence is no substitute for natural stupidity. ",
"Artoo that stabilizer's broken loose again... see if you can't lock it down! ",
"As a development process, chaos does not scale well. ",
"As of M1, we were less buggy than any MS product to date... ",
"Asking the right questions is half the problem. ",
"Auntie Em, hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog, Dorthy. ",
"Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. ",
"Be different. Think. ",
"Be obsequious, purple, and clairvoyant. ",
"Be ready for y3k bug. ",
"Be wary when walking down the path to maddness, all such paths invariably lead to maddness. ",
"Beam me up Scotty; there's no intelligent life down here. ",
"Beaten paths are for beaten men... ",
"Beauty, Intelligence, Personality, Availablity. Pick any 2 ",
"Beep! Invalid Input. I take only cash.... ",
"Beer is proof that God loves us - Abe Lincoln(?) ",
"Beer; it's not just for breakfast anymore. ",
"Before enlightenment, chop wood, pour water. After enlightenment, chop wood, pour water. ",
"Before you squash the bug, ask why it's there ",
"Being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook. ",
"Believe in YOURSELF!! ",
"Beta Tester's Life and a BUg's Life - So close, so far. ",
"Beta testing BUGS me ",
"Better a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. ",
"Better living through chemistry... ",
"Better living through denial. ",
"Better living through pharmaceuticals ",
"Beware the white death, that strikes from below like a blood thirsty chainsaw ",
"Beware, your little brother may shoot you in the eye with a tater gun! ",
"Bill G. was here -- 03/24/00 ",
"Birth gives rise to old age and death. - Siddhartha Gautama ",
"Birth...School...Work...Death! ",
"Black Holes are where God divided by zero. ",
"Blame it on the boogie. ",
"Blame it on the duck! The duck! ",
"Blessed are the meek, for they will make good subjects. ",
"Blue Rats, pitter patter ",
"Blue screens of death are worse than death ",
"Bobcaygeon, Ontario exists! ",
"Bonk on the button? ",
"Bonk on this! ",
"Boond...James-sh Boond. ",
"Boris! What are you doing with that penguin?! ",
"Bow wow wow yippie yo yippie yay (the lizard loves dogfood) ",
"Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider, girls go to Mars, become rock stars! (Kim Gordon) ",
"Bricka, bracka, bricka bracka, sis, boom, ba! Bugs Bunny, Bugs Bunny, rah, rah, rah! ",
"Bridges -build -burn ",
"Bring me the corpse of Michael Landon! Zrm! ",
"But I honestly cannot trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die. ",
"But Wait! There's More! ",
"But it works on MY machine! ",
"But it's a KILLER bunny rabbit! ",
"But who will take down the flypaper? ",
"But will it run on my swank-ass 386? ",
"Bwoohahahah! Now, I'M going to show ye some REAL entertainment! ",
"Byte my Baud ",
"C code. C code run. Run, code, run... PLEASE!!! ",
"C'est plus qu'un crime, c'est une faute. Charles-Maurice de Talleyrand ",
"C'mon everybody! Let's do the Macarena! ",
"Call me insane one more time and I'll eat your other eye! ",
"Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2? ",
"Can surfing the internet be academic? ",
"Can you spare an old cutpurse a zorkmid for some grog? ",
"Can you still hear the lambs screaming? ",
"Can't Login to my Hotmail Account. ",
"Can't catch me, I'm syntax-free! ",
"Can't sleep. Clowns will eat me. ",
"Can't you hear Moe saying this \"That's real good... if you like crap!\" ",
"Canned air. $5.99 -- Aired cans. Free. ",
"Carl, what're you doin' with that lawnmower blade? ",
"Ceci n'est pas un donut. ",
"Change is in the eye of the beholder. ",
"Chaos reigns within, reflect, repent, reboot. ",
"Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is done. ",
"Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done. ",
"Cheap things cost less ",
"Chika Chika Pow Pow ",
"Chris Weber says \"Go Gusties!\" (GAC 2001) ",
"Cinammon has the magical abiltiy to turn Sugar Cookies into Snickerdoodles. ",
"Clarity of thought before rashness of action. ",
"Clerk does not know URL to safe ",
"Cleveland Rocks! ",
"Cliches are the refuge of weak minds ",
"Click here to CLOSE the tree. ",
"Clitus, I'm bored - what plaything can you offer me today? ",
"Clones are people two ",
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. - Mark Twain ",
"Code, not quips. ",
"Cogito Ergo ZOommmmm..... ",
"Cogito, ergo doleo. ",
"Colorless green thoughts slumber furiously. ",
"Come Join the Metal Militia!!! ",
"Come have lunch with me, Arthur. Adventure will follow. ",
"Come on, that 600 character obfucated line of C is more efficent! ",
"Coming soon: a special Me2 feature in newsreader ",
"Community, Identity, Stability. ",
"Compression: What could possibly go worng ? ",
"Con-script: a script that is forced to do illegal things ",
"Congratulations! You've read all the funny quips! ",
"Connie's castle has cold corridors. ",
"Conscript - a plan for obtaining money by fraudulent means. ",
"Cool potatos! ",
"Core error - Bus dumped. ",
"Cosa significa \"aidonandestend\" ? ",
"Cottontail, cottontail, fetch me somemore chamomile! ",
"Could you do me egg, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam, then? ",
"Crackers and cheese taste yummy to meeeez ",
"Crush de enemies. Burn der houses und cattle. Hear der lamentation of deir wemen. ",
"Cthulu saves - in case he's hungry later. ",
"Cubs Win!! Cubs Win!! ",
"Culture? We don't need no steenkin' culture, we got the internet! ",
"D'oh! I got a defective cookie! ",
"DNS is human readable, not human writable... ",
"DOJ vs. Freedom to Invade ",
"DON'T DRINK THE WINE!!! ",
"DON'T PANIC ",
"DON'T PANIC: blame it on someone else! ",
"DON'T push that link ! ",
"Daisy, Daisy..... ",
"Dammit Jim... I'm a programmer, not a miracle worker. ",
"Damnit, Jim, I'm a programmer, not a shaman! ",
"Dead People Are Cool ",
"Death to the 905 dwellers! ",
"Debugger?!?!?! I don't even know her! ",
"Debugging is mmm, mmm good all the way down to the core. ",
"Definition --> Hunger: Condition produced by five minutes of continuous studying. ",
"Der Kopf ist rund, damit die Gedanken die Richtung ndern knnen. ",
"Dialin? Is that some sort of new asthma medication? ",
"Discarded pizza boxes are an inexpensive source of cheese. ",
"Discretion is the better part of getting your ass kicked. ",
"Dispatch war rocket Ajax, to bring back his body! ",
"Divide by cucumber error. Please re-install universe and reboot. ",
"Do I frighten you? Do you want me to? ",
"Do I have to pay the RIAA licensing fees for music I have stuck in my head? ",
"Do What I Mean shall be the whole of the code. ",
"Do friendly bugs excist in software? As they do in the real world.... ",
"Do it for the good of the code! ",
"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup. ",
"Do not use as a comb. ",
"Do or do not. There is no try. -- Yoda ",
"Do unto others only what you like othres to do to you. - Jose Silva ",
"Do ya smell what the Rock is cooken'? ",
"Do you Washuu? ",
"Do you have any idea you just did?!? ",
"Do you know the Gingerbread Man? ",
"Do you know the way to San Jos? ",
"Do you want to restart Windows now or wait for the next crash ? ",
"Doc, note, I dissent. A fast never prevents a fatness. I diet on cod! ",
"Doctor, it hurts when I do this. ",
"Does a beaver have a flat dick? ",
"Does any one of you proofread your own quips? Or have you all got lives out there? ",
"Does anybody really know what time it is? ",
"Does anyone know how to get ants out of a keyboard? ",
"Does it keep you in a job? Yes? Then it can't be a bug, can it? ",
"Doing Stuff's Cool, I Like It. ",
"Don't Ever Antagonize the Horn! ",
"Don't I have anything better to do than write quips? ",
"Don't Try Too Hard; You Might Succeed ",
"Don't bother reading this sentence, because it doesn't say anything. ",
"Don't click me. No please! Stop!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ",
"Don't eat yellow snow. ",
"Don't ever trust the needle. It lies. ",
"Don't get hung up about Easter! ",
"Don't get stuck out in the dark... ",
"Don't let your moral conscience stand in the way of doing the right thing. ",
"Don't look back now, the lemmings are gaining on you! ",
"Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. ",
"Don't make me bust a CAPS LOCK on your ASCII!!! ",
"Don't pass go, we're not exactly stable; I'm as still as a shy sheep. ",
"Don't push your chair back - the phone cord's wrapped around the leg. ",
"Don't sweat petty things... or pet sweaty things. ",
"Don't take away my rights because you can't control your child. ",
"Don't throw houses when you live in a glass stone. ",
"Due to cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel is temporarily of service. ",
"Dyslexics of the world untie! ",
"EBay item 911: Pocket Defibrillator ",
"ERR21: Your computer has a problem in the interface between the chair and the keyboard. ",
"ERROR IN BRAIN.VXD: Thought Halted ",
"ERROR IN SERIAL.VXD: Breakfast halted ",
"ERROR! Insert Sledge Hammer A: into Drive B: ",
"ERROR: Hit any user to continue ",
"ERROR: Keyboard not found. Press any key to continue. ",
"Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese ",
"Early to bed, early to rise, code like hell, make up lies ",
"Eat Branston Cheesie Pease for maximum satisfaction at breakfast time. ",
"Eat a cow and be a happier human being. ",
"Eat a live toad first thing in the morning : nothing worse will happen to you all day. ",
"Error - Keyboard not found.. Press Enter to Continue ",
"Error found: user a complete idiot! ",
"Error: Out of cheese, restock hamster wheel ",
"Eschew obfuscation. ",
"Eternal salvation or triple your money back! ",
"Eureka! Only had to add 5 more lines of code to get EMACS to boot! ",
"Even \"non-conformist\" is a pigeon-hole. ",
"Even if you divided my IQ by a half, I'd still be a genius. ",
"Ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight? The foolish try and always die. ",
"Ever heard of error 18??... it's 18 inches from your screen. ",
"Ever notice how...sentences that start like this are self-fulfilling? ",
"Every IT Manager's response when he does not know what to do: \"It must be a virus.\" ",
"Every knee shall bend, every mouth confess, that Cthulu is LORD ",
"Every knee shall bend, every mouth open, when I unzip ",
"Every programmers answer once he does not know what to do: \"It's a hardware problem.\" ",
"Every rule has an exception - except this one. ",
"Every time a frame-enabled page is loaded, an angel goes through an osterizer. ",
"Everybody into the pool! ",
"Everybody out of the water! ",
"Everybody: AAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww............ ",
"Everyone brings joy to this world - some by arriving, most by leaving. ",
"Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just dont have any film ",
"Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth. ",
"Everything I say is a lie. ",
"Everything I touch turns to stone ",
"Everything deep and meaningful is blatantly obvious. ",
"Everything is . . . broken. Everyone is . . . broken ",
"Everything is the result of the fragmentation of nothingness. ",
"Everytime I think I've hit bottom, somebody throws me a shovel. ",
"Evolution is chaos with feedback ",
"Excuse me, but my karma ran over your dogma. ",
"Experience is life's consolation prize. ",
"FOR SALE: Parachute. Used once. Never opened. Slightly stained. -- Eric Wright ",
"Facts are meaningless. You can use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true. ",
"Failing to prepare is preparing to fail. ",
"Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with the software. ",
"Feed the children. Save the wales. Free the mallocs. ",
"Finally, after 10 years, MOSAIC is back in the hands of the people. ",
"Firewall?! Got a fire-hydrant? ",
"Firewall?!? Just let the lizard loose... we'll fight firewall with firebreath! ",
"First it was Chanel No. 5, then Mambo No. 5... come on Communicator No. 5!!! ",
"First it was the Children's Crusade. Now its Lord of the Flies. ",
"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win. -- Ghandi ",
"Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind. ",
"Flash Gordon! Quarterback, New York Jets! ",
"Fluoridation, Mandrake! --Ripper, Dr. Strangelove-or-HILTSWALTB ",
"Fly like a monkey? ",
"Follow that cocktail weenie! ",
"For a quick IQ test, press Ctrl-Alt-Del ... ",
"For attempting to kill me, I'm giving you a five percent pay cut! ",
"For it is the doom of men that they forget. ",
"For sale: 1 Year 2000 countdown clock and 1500 cans of lima beans. ",
"For sale: Hand scanner. Used twice. ",
"For the Snark WAS a Boojum, you see. ",
"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. --John F. Kennedy ",
"Free your mind and your hack will follow ",
"Freedom for Greenland! Remove the pack ice!!! ",
"Friendly fire... isn't. ",
"Gee ... all I need to do now is uuencode myself and I'm all set... ",
"Gentlemen: Start your debuggers... ",
"Get Real, You're not an integer ",
"Get off the damn computer and eat some cheese.... ",
"Get that cheese to the sickbay, stat! ",
"Get that out of there this instant! You don't even know where it's been! ",
"Get up offa that thang, and dance and you'll feel better! ",
"Get your bug fixed and stop it breeding. ",
"Gilligan! Watch where you're dropping those coconuts!!!! **BONK** ",
"Gimme my ISDN link back!!! ",
"Gimme some tiramisu ",
"Girlfriend is pregnant. (A)bort, (M)arry or (I)gnore? ",
"Give it everything you've got, do you hear me? Push till it gives! ",
"Go Then -- There Are Other Worlds Than These. ",
"Go West Young Man.. And While You're At It, Pick Me Up Some Beer ",
"Go ahead, make more bugs! Jobs, jobs, jobs! ",
"Go away. I'm trying to die. ",
"Go play leapfrog with a herd of unicorns! ",
"God bless this rocket house and all who dwell within the rocket house! ",
"God is love; Satan is 30 and up one set. ",
"God made man, but he used a monkey to do it ",
"God punishes those who survive too extravagantly. ",
"God save the Netscape ",
"Good Advice: Don't take wooden nickels. Better advice: Don't eat wooden nickels. ",
"Got Lizard? ",
"Gotta catch 'em all! ",
"Gravity is a myth, the earth sucks! ",
"Gravity is the hole of pit. ",
"Greasy grimy gopher guts! ",
"Green jellybeans taste like hospitals. ",
"Groot's Law: never fall in love with anyone who won't give you their phone number. ",
"Gulp or gulp not. There is no sip. --Yoda ",
"Hang on baby, I saw this in a cartoon once, but I'm pretty sure I can do it. ",
"Happiness is just compensation for stupidity. ",
"Happiness is not a fish you can catch. ",
"Happiness is your favorite program moving to Linux! ",
"Happy programs for bitter people ",
"Has anybody here seen my friend Martin? ",
"Hasten, Jason! Bring the basin! Urp, slop. Bring the mop. ",
"Have fun! Eat more toast. ",
"Have you eaten your bug for the day? ",
"Have you ever experienced the Slashdot effect?!?! HAVE YOU?!?!?! ",
"Have you noticed how it's always the one who snores that falls asleep first? ",
"Have you tried the weird toilets? ",
"He is not the Messias!! He is a very naughty boy!! ",
"He is the MELBA-BEING ... the ANGEL CAKE ... XEROX him ... XEROX him -- ",
"He knew she made moonshine, but he loved her still. ",
"He said: \"Son, you are a technical boy...\" ",
"He shot through like a Bondi tram! ",
"He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts. ",
"He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man. ",
"He who runs away had better run far enough. ",
"He's dead Jim, but not as we know it. ",
"He's not a real doctor, He's an integer doctor. ",
"Heads you win, Tails I lose. ",
"Heisenberg may have been here. ",
"Help! I'm stuck in a fortune cookie company!! ....oh wait. Never mind. ",
"Help! I'm trapped in a- ...aw, forget it, that one's been done to death. ",
"Help! i'm trapped in a link tag!!! ",
"Help, help I'm being compressed! ",
"Her head is in a better way. Her brain's on fire. ",
"Hey man, got any potions of hallucination for sale? ",
"Hey! I stand by my irresponsible journalism! ",
"Hey, can I use \"background-colour:\" in my stylesheets? ",
"Hey, look what I did! I've created a new headline! ",
"Hey, look! A computer that writes on paper instead of to a screen! ",
"Hey, where is my left shoe?... Where is my left shoe?... ",
"Hey. We didn't have a message on our answering machine when we left. How very odd. ",
"Hi. 0E exception fault occurred. ",
"Hmm... 40hr/wk, 50wk/yr, for 50yrs ... not a pretty sight when you look at it like that. ",
"Hmmm, well we can fix it, but it's going to cost you... ",
"Hmmm... Purple! ",
"Hold a chicken in the air,",
"Stick a deckchair up your nose.",
"Buy a jumbo jet,",
"And then bury all your clothes... ",
"Hold! What you are doing is wrong! Why do you do this? ",
"Homer, the walls are melting again...! ",
"How about never? Is never good for you? ",
"How can I fly like an eagle if I'm surrounded by turkeys? ",
"How do I love thee? By taking lots of Thorazine. ",
"How do you like my wife? Oh, she's great! Then, please have another slice... ",
"How many Euros will fifty MSDollars get me? ",
"How many bugs are there? Well how many lines of code have you written? ",
"How many quips would a woodquip quip if a woodquip would quip quips? ",
"How to explain? How to describe? Even the omnicient viewpoint quails. ",
"How to make COBOL a great language? Remove \"OBOL\". ",
"How to make COBOL a great language? Select \"COBO\" then Type \"Per\". ",
"How to make God laugh: tell him your plans. ",
"Huh? What was that? Another Bug? Drat. Order more pizza. ",
"Hump? What hump? ",
"Humpty Dumpty was pushed! ",
"Huston, we have a problem. ",
"Hypocondriac's headstone epitaph: \"See?\" ",
"Hypocracy, Bureaucracy, Democracy. Do you think they sound alike just BECAUSE? ",
"I LIKE TO THINK I AM A PICKER-UP OF UNCONSIDERED TRIFLES. Death grinned hopefully. ",
"I Never Give Up Un Till They prave My Gun Out Of My Dead Cold Fingers ",
"I am Dyslexic of Borg. Your ass will be laminated. ",
"I am the gatekeeper. You are the keymaster. There is only XUL. ",
"I am, therefore I think ",
"I believe God put us on this Earth to help others. I'm not sure why he put the others here. ",
"I came, I saw, I Coded ",
"I can find my ears, but I have to look. ",
"I can make you scared, if you want me to. -TH ",
"I can please only one person per day. This isn't your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either. ",
"I can't find the OK button anywhere on my keyboard!!! ",
"I can't recommend guns, drugs, and insanity but they've worked for me. -- Hunter Thompson ",
"I cannot believe you wanted to do it like that... ",
"I did NOT have sexual relations with that browser. ",
"I didn't stomp no kitty! ",
"I do not regret the things I've done, but those I did not do. ",
"I doubt therefore I might be. ",
"I dunno if I should cut my veins or let them grow long ... ",
"I dunno, I was really drunk at the time... ",
"I eat lizards for breakfast ",
"I fear for The Land of The Gods. ",
"I feel more like I do now then when I got here ",
"I get plenty of Free BSD's already with Windows. ",
"I gonna need glue...Lot's of glue! ",
"I got game but i don't know how to spit it!!!!!! ",
"I got your milestone right here! ",
"I put instant coffee in the microwave and almost went back in time - Steven Wright ",
"I really don't like lobster! (The Sugarcubes) ",
"I really like CSS, but i can't use it becuase of compatibility concerns. Dammit. ",
"I really should stop doing so much bandwidth ",
"I reckon you can make me some of them french fried potatos, um-hmm ",
"I see said the blind man to his deaf daughter as he picked up the hammer and saw. ",
"I spilled spot remover on my dog. He's gone now. ",
"I stroke it to the east... I stroke it to the west... ",
"I swear I will not kill anyone. ",
"I swear it was working 5 minutes ago... ",
"I sync, therefore I am. ",
"I tell you, sonny, in my day we didn't have no fancy in-for-mation super-highway. ",
"I think \"Fetsih\" sounds better... ",
"I think that I shall never see, code as lovely as the tree... ",
"I think there is a seamonkey in my box ",
"I think therefore I bug ",
"I think, therefore I am confused. ",
"I think, therefore I am. But not necessarily today. ",
"I thought I made a mistake, but I was wrong. ",
"I thought Trinity was Neo's girlfriend...? ",
"I thought it was Monday ",
"I trust I can rely on your vote ",
"I used to be arrogant, but now I'm perfect. ",
"I usually have a good grasp of something, when I have a grasp at all... ",
"I visited Bugzilla and all I got was this crummy T-Shirt. ",
"I wanna be Jim Morrison ",
"I wanna be like Mike! ... What? ",
"I want my pea! I EARNED that pea! ",
"I want to STAY HOME today! ",
"I want to bonk the button. ",
"I'd rather be coding. ",
"I'd rather be driving ",
"I'd rather see this on TV ",
"I'll bet you five bucks that you won't give me $10. ",
"I'll burn that bridge when I come to it. ",
"I'll defer to you on this issue: I skipped Normative Catering Ethics 101. ",
"I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter. ",
"I'm a SAAAAAAAAAAAAAD panda ",
"I'm a happy little Seamonkey ",
"I'm a liar, believe me baby. ",
"I'm a little source code short and stout. This is my input this is my out! ",
"I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. ",
"I'm fast, I'm pretty, and can't *possibly* be beat! ",
"I'm going nucking futs ! ",
"I'm gonna need glue...Lot's of glue! ",
"I'm having spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam. ",
"I'm living on a blue line! ",
"I'm looking for a keyboard with an \"any\" key... ",
"I'm moving to Theory because everything works in Theory. ",
"I'm not a bug ",
"I'm not a bug... I'm nothing... I'm navel lint... ",
"I'm not a man! I'm a free number! ",
"I'm not a smart man, but I know what a bug is. ",
"I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert. ",
"I'm not the principal of the line, mother. ",
"I'm not wearing any pants! ",
"I'm on a one-way ticket to Oblivion, and I'm gonna raise hell getting there! ",
"I'm passing gas through my penis! ",
"I'm raising bugs in my cubicle: walking sticks, dung beetles... ",
"I've got it! Go call Shakespeare! 2B or not 2B = FF ",
"I've heard of unisex, but I've never tried it before... ",
"I've never been this old before! I don't think I can handle it! ",
"I/O failure. (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)retend this never happened? ",
"If I was paid to think, er ... ",
"If You'd Weigh a Whale at a Whale Weigh Station, Where Would You Weigh A Pie? ",
"If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around, but it lands on a mime, does anybody care? ",
"If all the world is a stage, where does the audience sit? ",
"If at first you do succeed--try to hide your astonishment. ",
"If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0 ",
"If at first you don't succeed, failure may be more your style. ",
"If at first you don't succeed, fire all the staff and blame the president. ",
"If at first you don't succeed, hide all evidence that you ever tried. ",
"If at first you don't succeed, keep on sucking until you do suck seed ",
"If beer is not the answer, you asked the wrong question. ",
"If brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose. ",
"If computing ever stops being fun I'll stop doing it ",
"If computing stops being fun, stop doing it ",
"If it ain't broke, break it. ",
"If it can't fit on a t-shirt, it's too complicated. ",
"If it doesn't compile: 1. Get Axe 10. Buy new computer. ",
"If one standard is good, then two standards are better! ",
"If only we had a fix for TABLE DATA backround image bugs... ",
"If only you could see what I've seen with your eyes. -blade runner ",
"If that ain't country, I'll kiss your ass ",
"If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong. ",
"If the motorcycle ain't braking properly, you don't start by rebuilding the engine. ",
"If the wind changes it will freeze like that. ",
"If the world was made for jellyfish, things would be entirely different. ",
"If there were no BUGs............we wouldn't have our jobs! ",
"If they outlaw encryption, only outlaws will 62Xq3mrg45x69A96yvxi70gXrSdD+SCw ",
"If we do not find anything very pleasant, at least we shall find something new. ",
"If we took the bones out it wouldn't be crunchy, would it? ",
"If women today are feminists, why are many men still lifting boxes for them? ",
"If you DRY a Lizard they STAY GREEN! It don't work for asparagus though... ",
"If you aim for nothing in particular, that is exactly what you will get. ",
"If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the precipitate. ",
"If you call yourself a mushroom, climb into a basket. ",
"If you cant say something nice, at least be vague ",
"If you didn't want that, then it's a feature! ",
"If you drop somethin clean and say \"It's still good It's still Good\" ",
"If you go to Z'ha'dum, you will die ",
"If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done. - Scott Adams ",
"If you knew where you stood, you'd be standing still. ",
"If you make it idiot proof, they just make better idiots.. ",
"If you make the Net idiot-proof you'll get idiots using the Net. ",
"If you need help in New York, say \"Fire!\". If you say \"help\" nobody cares. ",
"If you think about it, there is no such thing as here and now! ",
"If you were home now, you'd still be here. ",
"If you're going to live on the bleeding edge, you have to bleed a little. ",
"If you're not abstinant, you're screwed. ",
"If you're not on the edge you're taking up too much space ",
"If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate. - Steven Wright ",
"If you're typing in your own clever headline, you have TOO much time on your hands! ",
"If your website was here, you'd be home already. ",
"If yu can't be with the one you love, love the one with the beer. ",
"Ignorance and arrogance are a bad combination ",
"Ikaga desu ka? ",
"Il monitor del vicino sempre pi verde ",
"Illiad's a llama shagger! ",
"Im Repetitive and Redundant. ",
"Im sorry, but this sounds like John Markoff wrote this. ",
"Imagination is more important than information. --Albert Einstein ",
"Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality. ",
"Imagine this: YOU are subject of this headline! ",
"Imagine what it's like to be beaten down by your own shoes.... ",
"Immerse your soul in love ",
"In my day we had proper drugs - they made us HALLUCINATE! ",
"In space no-one can hear you cha-cha-cha! ",
"In that that is the way that it is, this is the way that it is. ",
"In the Beginning there was nothing, which exploded. ",
"In the beginning, Mozilla was just one line of code - ah, the nostalgia! ",
"Incrementalism is innovations worst enemy ",
"Innagaddadavida ",
"Insert funny but annoying quote here: ",
"Inside every living person is a dead person trying to get out. ",
"Inside every small problem is a large problem struggling to get out. ",
"Interesting... 31337 is prime... ",
"Internet Explorer is a great program... FOR ME TO POOP ON! ",
"Internet Explorer suxxx! ",
"Invalid Data ",
"Is \"for (a;b;c) {d;}\" the same as \"a; while(b) { d; c; }\"? ",
"Is it a sin to break the law? ",
"Is it good when your toe is green and you can't feel it? ",
"Is it just me, or is RickG getting shorter? ",
"Is it possible to have deja vu and amnesia at the same time? ",
"It's a bug, Jim, but not as we know it. ",
"It's a floor wax AND a dessert topping! ",
"It's a thankless job, but you've got a lot of Karma to burn off. ",
"It's astounding. Time is fleeting. Madness... takes it's toll. ",
"It's been a long time coming... ",
"It's compiles ! Let's ship it. ",
"It's hard to look in eyes of truth. Especially if it's naked... ",
"It's just another manic Monday ",
"It's just like coffee only it's water ",
"It's like Disneyland, but with hookers. ",
"It's like herding cats, only most of the engineers are already sick of laser pointers. ",
"It's like reality, but over there! ",
"It's nice to be important but it's more important to be nice. ",
"It's not an actual memory leak as the system will free it up later...after shutdown ",
"It's not rocket science, it's computer science. Duh. ",
"It's so small I can't even find it. (Dilbert) ",
"It's the Love Bug! ",
"Jesus saves! Allah protects! And Cthulhu thinks you'd make a nice sandwich! ",
"Jesus saves, at the First National Bank. ",
"Jesus saves. Moses invests. ",
"Just because it is not broken, does not mean that you can't fix it! ",
"Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not after you. ",
"Just remember, little lizards become big lizards! ",
"Justice is incidental to law and order. --J. Edgar Hoover ",
"Keyboard not detected: Press F1 to continue. ",
"Keyboard: Device used for entering errors into the computer ",
"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: never try. ",
"Kill her. Kill Mary? She is a risk. And get the priest too ",
"Kind of makes you wonder why we stopped using slide rules, doesn't it? ",
"Kipp, ship it, it has been 3 years!!!!! ",
"Komputors nefer maik erers ",
"LISP = Lots of Irritating Silly Parenthesis ",
"LIVE LIFE LIKE LIME !!! ",
"LSD melts in your mind, not in your hand ",
"Las cucarachas entran pero no pueden salir! ",
"Last Flowers Until The Hospital ",
"Leave the door ajar? What will the door do with a jar? ",
"Let the carrots wear glasses. ",
"Let us consult the Book of Quips, Chapter 5, verse 16. ",
"Let's add some damn keybindings! ",
"Let's get a kebab and go to a disco! ",
"Let's introduce General Protection to Corporal Punishment ",
"Let's roll up our elbows and get to work. ",
"Lets have a monthly meeting every monday ",
"Lexicon is another word for thesaurus ",
"Life is Like an Egg Better Scrambled than Fried -- Ken Sawatari ",
"Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing -- Hellen Keller ",
"Life is good when you have a belly full of kippers. ",
"Life is like a bag of roosters. ",
"Life is like a box of checkins. You never know what you're gonna get ",
"Life is like a grapefruit. -- F. Prefect ",
"Life is like mass hysteria -Arcterex ",
"Life's a bitch and, sooner or later, she bites you. ",
"Life's a complicated gig, so give that ol' Dark Night of the Soul a hug, and howl the eternal YES! ",
"Life's not fair,\"[...]\"But the root password helps.\"--Simon Travaglia (BOFH) ",
"Light Pulses Flout Sacrosanct Speed Limit (headline courtesy Science News Magazine) ",
"Like a 30W lightbulb - dim and with no discernable function. ",
"Linux is a kind of religion, and most religions stick around for a couple of thousand years.... ",
"Linux is free only if your time has no value. - Jamie Zawinski ",
"Linux is not the answer. Linux is the question. And the answer is NOW! :) ",
"Linux is obsolete ",
"Linux, the OS with a CLUE (Command Line User Environment) ",
"Linux: Social Darwinism at work. Don't be culled from the hurd! ",
"Lisp is So Painful ",
"Little arrows that do nothing are annoying ",
"Live Fast, Diarreah. ",
"Live long, kill bugs, die happy. ",
"Loading page... Please wait forever. ",
"Long Blue Boomerang... ",
"Long journeys seldom begin in Chinese restaurants. ",
"Look at me! Look at me! I am locked in a continuum of cartoon fools! ",
"Look ma, I wrote a clever headline. ",
"Look out! Slashdot incoming! ",
"Look, it's not talk - you are allowed to use the backspace and cursor keys, you know... ",
"Looking for love, or a faster net link. ",
"Looks like a bug infestation to me. If only i could hire an exterminator... ",
"Looks like another year of kernel-hacking... ",
"Love is a many-gendered thing... ",
"Luke, I'm your father.... ",
"Luxuriantly hand-crafted of only the finest HTML. ",
"M'illumino d'immenso. [Ungaretti] ",
"MCSE: Minesweeper Consultant and Solitaire Expert ",
"FIRST POST!... Oh, this isn't www.slashdot.org? I apologize. ",
"Machiavellian - goto http://tv.cream.org/boredrate/wuname/wuform.html for more info ",
"Madam, I'm Adam. Sir, I'm Iris. ",
"Madness takes it toll. Please have exact change. ",
"Mae Ling Mak, naked and petrified ",
"Make it real - Joseph Mazzello ",
"Make no mistake about it, the Internet is here to stay. ",
"Man who go to Thailand is probably going to Bang-kok ",
"Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement. ",
"Man, I'm hungry. You guys got any food here? ",
"Man, this program is quite buggy... But one day it will be the perfect browser! ",
"Many is the slip twix cup and lip. ",
"Mars will never be free until the sands run red with Earther blood ",
"Maschendrahtzaun ",
"Masochist to Sadist: \"Hit me!\" Sadist to Masochist: \"No.\" ",
"Maturity is for those too young to know better. ",
"May the Source be with you. ",
"May the bluebird of happiness crap all over you. ",
"May your C syntax forever blink blue. ",
"Mc Donalds are currently selling the \"Bongo-meal\" in Sweden. Can you believe THAT? ",
"Me fail English? Thats unpossible! ",
"Mediocrity: It's quicker, and by the time anybody notices, it's too late. ",
"Meet the cannibal with a heart... quick, before he eats it! ",
"Memory fault -- brain fried ",
"Memory is cheap and Network is fast. Don't worry about it. ",
"Message after right-clicking and selecting 'What's This?': No help topic associated with this item. ",
"Mi code is perfctli currect ! ",
"Milestone 42! The Final Answer? ",
"Milk - It does a computer bad =( ",
"Minds are like parachutes, they only work when open. ",
"Misspelled lepidopteri? ",
"Mmm. More sardines? How kind. ",
"Mmmm... Invisible cola. ",
"Mmmm... Tastes like chicken. ",
"Mmmm...64 slices of American Cheese. 63. 62.... ",
"Mo Zilla! Mo Zilla! Mo Mo Mo Zilla! ",
"Mo don't know that... ",
"Modula-3, used by dozens of people all over the world! ",
"Modular Quip: A foo walks into a bar... ",
"Mojo say: Ook. ",
"Mon-key...Mon-keyeeeeeee...Mon-key...don't-you-know-you've-got-to SHIP THE MON-KEY ",
"Money talks, bullshit walks ",
"Moobles are doinky! ",
"Morbo finds all humans pathetic ",
"More people have been to Russia than I have. ",
"More to be feared than ignorance is the pretense of knowledge. ",
"Most people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. ",
"Mostly harmless ",
"Mostly they come at night ... mostly ",
"Move the ship out of the asteroid field, so that we can send a clear transmission. ",
"Must be a compiler bug. ",
"Mustangs, Camaros, and Goats, OH MY! [Overheard at car show] ",
"My breath is an apple; for one walks at night, under the ocean sun. ",
"My cat's breath smells like cat food ",
"My claws are sharp now. I shall rip you to shreds! ",
"My computer can do the Full Monty. Well, at least when I'm drunk. ",
"My consciousness has been transformed into static HTML! ",
"My dog bit me once and I told him he was a bad dog ",
"My friends may be idiots, but they all think like me. ",
"My heart is filled with glue. --Kevin Birch <kbirch@pobox.com> ",
"My hovercraft is full of eels!!! ",
"My human gets me blues ",
"My idea of gun control is 5 rounds in the 10 ring at 50 feet. ",
"My lawyer helps me log onto AOL. He told me that Napster was BAAAAAD ",
"My lil' pet frog Aaron says 'HI' ",
"My mother said that to me once ... Once. ",
"My mother was a 14 year old french prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet ",
"My mouse quit working...Is the Internet down? ",
"My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings: look on these bugs, ye Mighty, and despair! ",
"My neeples ecksplowde with delight! ",
"My parents didn't have any children. ",
"My quip is better than yours. ",
"My reality check just bounced. ",
"My roommate bought a pet elephant, but he lost it. It's in the apartment somewhere -- Steven Wright ",
"Myself into the New Millennium ",
"Neophyte Hotline: I've got a problem. My mouse won't click. ",
"Netscape 6 sucks testicle sweat! ",
"Netscape is dead. Long Live Netscape. ",
"Netscape, Netscape, my kingdom for Netscape ! ",
"Netscape, better than your average acid trip. ",
"Network halted. Hit any user to continue... ",
"Neuroses are for slobs. ",
"Never Sniff a Gift Fish (or Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth). ",
"Never a dull moment with Netscape :-) ",
"Never ask why. ",
"Never before have I seen such beauty and radiance in Human Being ",
"Never before have so many bugs been caused by so few to haunt us all ",
"Never eat monkey meat... ",
"Never ever do that!!!!! ",
"Never expect to be able to add hooks into the user's wetware. ",
"Never hit your grandmother with a shovel, for it leaves a bad impression on her mind... ",
"Never judge an iBook by its cover. ",
"Never learn by your misstakes, if you do you may never dare to try again... ",
"Never program your computer to kill you. Just a piece of advice. ",
"Never put the words \"diabolical master plan\" on a resume ",
"Never test the depth of the water with both feet. ",
"Never trust anything that claims its own worth. ",
"Never trust anything you buy with good intentions ",
"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. ",
"Never underestimate the power of the Big Gun. ",
"Never underestimate the power of unbounded pessimism. ",
"Never use the corndog musket against mimes. ",
"Nevermindthecapslock-whatthehell'shappenedtomyspacebar? ",
"New Bug found. Start whine-pout sequence? (Y/N) ",
"News Coverage Banned as Obscene with Too Much Gore and Excessive Bush Shots ",
"Newsflash! Nelson's Column is still there! ",
"Next time, Gadget... Next time! ",
"Night can be a sweet kiss, though not a night like this. ",
"Nightly Builds! Better than Ted Koppel on phexophenadine! ",
"No No No, I don't want no BUG a BUG is an error than can't get no love from me... ",
"No T.V. and no beer make Homer something something... ",
"No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy. ",
"No brain, no pain! ",
"No good deed goes unpunished ",
"No matter where you go, there you are. ",
"No matter who you vote for, government always wins. ",
"No noose is good noose. ",
"No one can accuse you of looking at dirty pictures when you're using Lynx. ",
"No one ever said on their deathbed, \"Gee, if I'd only spent more time in the office\" ",
"No one expects the Spanish Inquisition! - The Monty Python Boys. ",
"No one wants to hear from my armpits. ",
"No soup for you! ",
"No wine, no wife, no carrier.. ",
"No! Your other left! ",
"No, Meestah Bond! I expect you to die! ",
"No, no! Not the comfy chair! ",
"No, really it is a feature! trust me! ",
"No, really. I just wanted an orange soda. ",
"No, we do not gnaw on the kitty - No! ",
"No-one ever says 'Ftmch' by accident. ",
"Nobody Likes You ",
"Nobody ever said this was going to be queasy ... ",
"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! ",
"Nobody knows less about what features an application should contain than the people who write the code. ",
"Non Gratum Anus Rodentum ",
"Nonlinear Deterministic Flow ",
"Not all men are stupid. Some are bachelors. ",
"Noted ... thank you. ",
"Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come. ",
"Nothing is so useless as a general maxim. --Thomas Macaulay ",
"Nothing to be done to make World ",
"Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature. ",
"Now better! It crashes 32% faster than Win95 ",
"Now, weary traveller, rest your head. For just like me, you're utterly dead. ",
"Oh wo-ow... Technofear! All the machinery's ganging up on me! ",
"Oh to find a computer store open on sunday when you need that dang floppy cable you forgot saturday ",
"Oh what torment do the bugs bring me today - Aristotle, 420 BC ",
"Oh yeah; sorry. I've always had a bit of a blind spot with 5s. ",
"Oh yeah? Well if you're so smart, why aren't you rich? ",
"Oh, cookie cookie cookie starts with 'C'! ",
"Oh, for the good old days when all you needed to say was :-) ",
"Oh, get on the game! The pay's good, and you can work from home! ",
"Old programmers never die, they just disassemble. ",
"On my way to work I was kidnapped by a band of pixies in a souped up teapot... ",
"On ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them...\" ",
"Once is an accident. Twice is a coincidence. Three times is a conspiracy. ",
"Once is an accident. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action. ",
"One browser to rule them all and in the darkness bind them... ",
"One bug....Two bugs....Red bugs....Blue Bugs.... ",
"One cannot command, only earn. ",
"One hundred security holes in the code, one hundred security holes... ",
"One man's boil is another's tomato. ",
"One test is worth a thousand opinion ",
"One time, I was playing the computer. Then I smelled salsa. ",
"Only Bikers understand why dogs love to stick their heads out car windows. ",
"Only a mediocre person is always at his best ",
"Only drank two beers? Thats no reason to stop ",
"Only when the night is darkest do we see the dawn ",
"Only you can prevent forest fires! ",
"Onward through the fog! ",
"Ooo, ooo, Ooo, ooo, oooooo! I've got a GNU attitude! ",
"Oops, I did it again... ",
"Opening a can.... ",
"Optimization is the root of all evil! ",
"Orange you glad you bought a Macintosh? ",
"Organ transplants are best left to the professionals. ",
"Oswald may have pulled the trigger, but that doesn't mean hes responsibile. ",
"Our best people are working on that. ",
"Our only hope lies in the mind of Kiki ",
"Out Foul Daemon! ",
"Oxymoron: Legal Ethics ",
"Oxymoron: Military Intelligence ",
"Oy, Gestalt! ",
"PBHK: the most common computer problem.... a.k.a. problem between head and keyboard ",
"PCMCIA - People Can't Memorize Complicated Internet Acronyms ",
"PCMCIA? Pulse Code Modulated Central Intelligence Agency?! ",
"PEBCAK - Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard ",
"PHP: if(isset($bug)) {squash($bug);} ",
"PROZAC: Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't. ",
"Pack up the kids, we're moving to the coast. ",
"Pardon me, but I believe your hair is on fire. ",
"Party like it's 1899! ",
"Patience, Grasshopper. ",
"People should get beat up for stating their beliefs. -- They Might Be Giants ",
"People who live in glass houses should draw the blinds before removing their trousers. ",
"Perl: the only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption :) ",
"Persistence is futile! ",
"Pie! - It's delicious, mouth-watering, and geeks best-friend. It's 3.1415926535 ",
"Pika! Pi, Pika, Pika, Pi, Pikachu!!! ",
"Pink Floyd - The Official Band of Disgruntled Programmers Everywhere ",
"Please explain the scientific nature of the Whammy. ",
"Pobody's Nerfect! ",
"Poison each day keeps the bugs at bay. ",
"Premature optimization is the root of all evil. ",
"Primum non nocere. Ut vidi, ut peril, ut me malus abstutit error. ",
"Problems worthy of attack ... prove their worth by hitting back. ",
"Process legitimises outcome. ",
"Procrastination rarely works, but when it does, it's a beautiful thing ",
"Programmers are almost as good at reading documentation as they are at creating it. ",
"Programmers are the sex symbol of the 21st centry. ",
"Programming is like sex: One mistake and you have to support for a lifetime. ",
"Programming is merely selecting an initial state for the finite state machine called Computer. ",
"Pssst...anyone wanna buy a hoofed mammal? ",
"Purgamentum init, exit purgamentum. ",
"Push this link reboot your computer. ",
"Push this link to crash your computer. ",
"Put my head in your hands and shake it. ",
"Put on your glasses and watch how things smell good. ",
"Q. What's TCP/IP stand for? -- A. Trademarks, Copyrights, Patents / Intellectual Property ",
"Q: Why did the Cyclops stop teaching? A: He only had one pupil. ",
"QA can walk on water...if the water is frozen ",
"Quantula sapientia mundus regitur. -- Oxenstierna ",
"Quick Scan. Feed 7 ",
"Quick, we have to get to Carly Simon's house or we'll never know if that song was about me! ",
"Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur. ",
"Quiero emigrar. Desplazarme en el espacio, nunca puedo descansar. ",
"Quiet! The maestro is de-composing... ",
"Quip error 23: No clever quotes found. ",
"REALITY.SYS corrupted. Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q) _ ",
"Real artists ship. --Steve Jobs ",
"Real programmers do check their code mentally, actual testing is for beginners. ",
"Reality is for people who aren't smart enough to play role playing games ",
"Reboot is not a debugging technique... ",
"Rebooten hath an effect. ",
"Recursion (see Recursion) ",
"Recursive (ri-ker-siv): adj; See \"recursive\" ",
"Red or Green? Of such things are Holy Wars made... ",
"Regular exercise at the gym ",
"Rehab's for quiters!! ",
"Religious wars: fighting over who has the better imaginary friend ",
"Remember Mr. McGirk? Big Crappy Irish Guy?? Umm... Oh yeah. ",
"Remember, the freedom to swing your fist ends at the tip of my nose -- Richard Stallman ",
"Remember, this is for posterity, so be honest. ",
"Remember: Everything you see on screen is but ones and zeros. ",
"Render unto Caeser what is Caeser's. Render fat unto fat. Render pages quick and clean. ",
"Repeat rapidly: Friar Tuck's fire truck, Friar Tuck's fire truck, ... ",
"Repent Harlequin said the TickTockman. ",
"Request timed out. ",
"Requirements for June 30: Must be non-portable ",
"Resistance is \"Nearly\" Futile ",
"Respect my authoriTAH! ",
"Respect my authority! ",
"Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow! ",
"Riddles of the Universe explained here ",
"Right now, everything is a little wonky! ",
"Rolling stones in time save people in glass houses gathering too many cooks. ",
"Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic and so am I. ",
"Rotten! Rotten to the CORE! ",
"Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream... ",
"Running's not a plan - running's what you do when a plan fails! ",
"SAMS Teach Yourself World Domination in 24 Hours ",
"SPAM is good for the heart and soul. ",
"SPOOOOON! - The Tick ",
"SUSPICION BREEDS CONFIDENCE ",
"Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft ",
"Sanity is for Sissies - Mr Toad ",
"Save the whales. Feed the hungry. Free the mallocs. ",
"Say something witty and the world will remember you forever -- Anonymous ",
"Scientific progress went \"Boink!\"... and then there were two. ",
"Scotty? .... Scotty?.... where the devil are you! ",
"Screw you guys: I'm going home. ",
"Second star to the right and straight on 'til morning ",
"Secret CONFIG.SYS command: BUGS=OFF ",
"Seeaaaa Monkey... that funky monkey. ",
"Segmentation fault ",
"Sell me your shoes! ",
"Send me your teeth and I will give them crest ",
"Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question, yes is the answer. ",
"Sex, Bugs, Rock'n'Roll. ",
"Shadwell hated all southerners and, by inference, was standing at the North Pole. ",
"She Turned me into a NEWT!! ",
"She want's me. Damn, she's got willpower. ",
"Short sentences seem true. ",
"Shouldn't the psycic friends be the ones who call YOU??? ",
"Shredded tire bits are modern highway flowers. ",
"Shut up and code... ",
"Sign outside Church: \"How will you spend eternity -- Smoking or Non-smoking?\" ",
"Sincerity is everything -- fake that, and you've got it made. -- George Burns ",
"Singdo is a lovely bear. He wish he could singing together with you. ",
"So this is Earth! I've only ever seen it in pictures before.",
"It's just like I imagined it - only much shorter. ",
"So what species do you think we evolved from? ",
"So you're some kind of wise guy, eh? ",
"So, I says, blue M&M, red M&M, they all wind up the same color in the end. ",
"So, now that we the AOM, COM, and DOM -- where's da BOM? ",
"So, somebody DOES read these! ",
"So, we meet again, Mr. Bond!!!! ",
"So, what's the deal with Auntie Gerschwitz et all? ",
"So, you think you have outwitted me? Think again, Mr Banoogy! ",
"Socialism is when man exploits man. Capitalism is the reverse. ",
"Software engineering is the only field where adding a whole new wing is called \"maintenance.\" ",
"Software for people - not money! ",
"Software never gets rust. ",
"Soilent Green - Iiiissss Pppeeooopppplee!!!!!!! ",
"Some come out of necessity, others out of desire. Combined we avail! ",
"Some days it's not worth chewing through the leather straps. -- Emo Phillips ",
"Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield. ",
"Some guys are always trying to iceskate uphill. ",
"Some people live life in the fast lane. I live life in oncoming traffic. ",
"Some things have got to be believed to be seen. ",
"Some where out there rednecks are breeding like rabbits ! ",
"Something is rotten in the state of Denmark ... and HAMLET's taking out the trash! ",
"Sometimes I wake up and think. ",
"Sometimes, when I get uppity, I refer to recursion as 'iteration abstraction'. ",
"Sometimes... a bug is just a bug. ",
"Soon you will meet your doom. ",
"Spaghetti code is tasty code! ",
"Stand up, walk away from the computer, go outside, move your body in a natural manner ",
"Stop Repeat Offenders. (Quit re-electing them.) ",
"Stop the Violins ",
"Stop those damn anti-matter chickens! ",
"Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. ",
"Syntax terror in line 42 ",
"System Error 0x47fd8328. Replace User. ",
"System error: your mouse need some cheese ",
"TANSTAAFL ",
"THAT was the equation! Existence, survival must CANCEL OUT programming! - Ruk [OldTrek] ",
"Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy ",
"Talk to the hand, the hand doesn't listen... ",
"Television is bubble-gum for the mind. --- Frank Lloyd Wright ",
"Tell a computer to WIN and you lose. ",
"That isn't a feature... it's a bug! ",
"That was delicious! I wonder what it was...? ",
"That which does not kill me has poor aim ",
"That's just totally shady! In fact it's beyond shady - it's surreal! ",
"That's not a bug. It's a feature! ",
"That's not a moon... It's a space station! ",
"The 'Any' key is the one labeled 'I/O'. ",
"The <strike>eripmE</strike> ",
"The Death FNORD plans are not in the FNORD computer. ",
"The Deeper You Go, The Bigger The Jellyfish. ",
"The Early Worm Has a Death Wish ",
"The Four Stages of Industry Transition: Denial, Desperation, Litigation, Legislation. ",
"The Gene Pool needs a little chlorine ",
"The Poor - if you don't help them they sort of die soon, don't they? ",
"The World Wide Web is like its namesake: dirty and full of bugs. ",
"The angle of the dangle is inversely proportional to the heat of the meat. ",
"The answer is 42 ",
"The authorities are closing in. ",
"The beautiful, candy-like button! PRESS IT! ",
"The beef is in the fridge. ",
"The believer is happy. The doubter is wise. ",
"The best form of cryptography is poetry. -Chris Boot ",
"The best multiplayer game in existance has always been solitaire. ",
"The bug remains. You need only change its surroundings to remove it. ",
"The butler did it. ",
"The cabinet suffered a reverse with all the tax bills but one. ",
"The chick pea is neither a chick nor a pea. Discuss. ",
"The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong. ",
"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. ",
"The evidence before the Court is incontrovertible - there's no need for the jury to retire. ",
"The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist. ",
"The fat man walks alone at midnight. ",
"The first cup of coffee recapitulates phylogeny ",
"The glass is two times too big ",
"The grass may be greener on the other side, but it still needs to be mowed. ",
"The guy said bonk on the button, not have a seizure on it. ",
"The horse raced past the barn fell. ",
"The hotel of your mind is full of many vacancies. ",
"The lack of planning on your part does not constitute to an emergency on mine ",
"The large green lizard is naked and petrified. How embarrassing. ",
"The last thing you'd ever want to do in your life is the last thing you do. ",
"The light at the end of the tunnel is the lamp of the oncoming train. ",
"The magic word is squeamish ossifrage ",
"The majority has might - unfortunately - but right it is not. Right are I and a few others... ",
"The meek shall inherit the Earth, for they are too timid to refuse it. ",
"The message brought to you by Jean-Jacques Binks, Jar Jar's life partner ",
"The middle brake light should turn yellow with foot off of the gas, red with foot on the brake! ",
"The mind is like a parachute. It works much better if it is open. ",
"The more I learn, the less I seem to know. ",
"The more you drive, the less intelligent you get ",
"The more you look at it, the less you see it. ",
"The most frightening thing about professional wrestling is that some of its fans are registered voters. ",
"The new Star Wars will save all world economies! ",
"The new phone directories are available outside the mail room on the plaza level ",
"The number of bugs varies in the inverse square of the distance of the manager from the worker. ",
"The odds justifies the ends. -- doom@kzsu.stanford.edu ",
"The only reason Time exists is to keep everything from happening all at once. ",
"The only support site on the net - where you really can see people work! ",
"The only thing we learn from history is that we never learn anything from history ",
"The only thing worse than infinite recursion is infinite recursion. ",
"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. -- Oscar Wilde ",
"The optimist believes this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist agrees. ",
"The penguin will be fried by a friendly daemon tonight! ",
"The people don't have bread? Let them eat cake! ",
"The price of freedom is eternal debugging. ",
"The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action. ",
"The purpose of reporting bugs is to get them fixed. ",
"The regurgitation of the tyrano-saurus rex ",
"The spoon remains. You need only change its surroundings to remove it. ",
"The streets will run red with the bllod of the unbelievers! ;) ",
"The stupider people think you are, the more suprised their going to be when you kill them. ",
"The surname of Tarzan is Clark ",
"The tab is there to open the can. The can is there to hold in the spam. ",
"The taxidermist is a lonely man. ",
"The toughest bug to find is one that isn't there. ",
"The truth is out there... and so are the bugs... ",
"The vastness of it all dawned on me. [after Ungaretti] ",
"The war will be won! ",
"The way we need to fix it is the same way we ignored it before. ",
"The world is not as simple as you think it is ",
"The world is your oyster - so EAT IT!! ",
"The worst thing anyone can do for me is leave me to my own devices. ",
"The worst type of murder is spoon murdering ",
"Their are two errors in this sentence. (Don't think TOO hard on this one :) ",
"Therapy helps, but screaming obscenities is cheaper. ",
"There are many excuses for being late, but none for being early. --Oscar Wilde ",
"There are no stupid questions, just inquisitive idiots. ",
"There are three kinds of people, those who know how to count and those who don't. ",
"There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who can't. ",
"There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it. ",
"There are two errors in this this headline. ",
"There are two kinds of people, those who divide people into two kinds and those who don't. ",
"There are two types of people: those who can be categorized and those who can't. ",
"There is a fine line between being the man and being that guy. ",
"There is no I in team, but there is a me. ",
"There is no spoon. ",
"There is nothing here that does not fade ",
"There is nothing to fear but fear itself... and the monsters under your bed.. ",
"There is nothing wrong with sex on television - unless yours uses an indoor aerial. ",
"There never was a good war or a bad peace. -- B. Franklin ",
"There once was a girl fron Nantucket, and if something needed to be shipped she would truck it. ",
"There was a roar like the scream of a camel who has just seen two bricks. ",
"There we stood: two against a thousand...and they were the toughest pair we ever took on! ",
"There will always be death and taxes. The difference is that death doesn't get worse every year. ",
"There's never time to do it right, but always time to do it again. ",
"There's no accounting for bad taste. ",
"There's no such thing as a stupid question - just stupid people. ",
"There's nothing on top but a bucket and a mop ",
"There's so much that I can do so little about, but so little that we cannot do much about. ",
"There's too much blood in my caffeine system ",
"These are all 'known bugs'. Whats the frickin' problem? ",
"These are finitely FIFO-queued quips... quit adding repeats! ",
"They don't make nostalgia like they used to. ",
"They don't need pants - they're not real. ",
"They made us wear thongs. It wasn't pretty. ",
"They took the bar! The whole f*cking bar! ",
"Things are not always what they seem to be ",
"Think Differently: Use Proper Grammer ",
"Think of it as evolution in action ",
"Think of something original you Bitch ",
"Think or Thwim ",
"Thinkest thou it shall tickle as I rip out thy lungs? ",
"This CGI keeps truncating my qu ",
"This LAN is my LAN, this LAN is your LAN . . . ",
"This ain't no van down by the river. ",
"This browser will self-destruct in five seconds. Good luck, Jim. ",
"This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who. ",
"This is where mechanical excellence; 1400 horse power pays off. ",
"This isn't Mission Difficult, Mr. Hunt, it's Mission Impossible ",
"This machine will not communicate these thoughts and this strain I am under. ",
"This makes LISP look like a paragon of syntatic sanity... ",
"This means something. This is important. ",
"This quip intentionally left blank. ",
"This quip is my fifteen minutes of fame ........ some people are really slow readers. ",
"This really bugs me. ",
"This sentence is false. ",
"This sentence no verb ",
"This should work, but if it doesn't, just ignore it. ",
"This society is based upon rules. If it were not for these rules, there would be only chaos. ",
"This web is my web, this web is your web... ",
"This week I ar bin mosly eatin tyres. ",
"This would run better on a MAC ",
"Those who cannot recall the past are employed in Redmond. ",
"Those who don't understand unix are doomed to reinvent it, poorly ",
"Those who have given up on their dreams will discourage you from yours. ",
"Three may keep a secret if two of them are dead. ",
"Three months in the laboratory can save you three hours in the library. ",
"Three words: force user input. ",
"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. ",
"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. ",
"Time is like Fire, in which we burn. ",
"Time to kick-ass and chew bubblegum... --Duke Nukem ",
"Tiny bubbles, in the wine, makes me feel happy, makes me feel fine. ",
"Tip: Don't spit in the wind. ",
"Tip: Don't wiz on an electric fence. ",
"To \"RTFM\", I say... TMFMR (Too Many %*#@ Manuals to Read) ",
"To C++ or not to C++ -- oogh, let me stick to JavaScript... ",
"To alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems. ",
"To be a good lover, you must first train alone ",
"To boldly go where no internet browser has gone before! ",
"To code or not to code... that is the next question... ",
"To have ambition was my ambition (bang bang you're dead!) ",
"To me, Kenneth Baker is a perfect example of why one should always try and kill Kenneth Baker. ",
"To quip is to be error. ",
"To succeed, you must walk like a butterfly on the wind. ",
"Toilet seats should be returned to their upright and locked positions. ",
"Tomorrow never comes, it's all the same #%$@* day ",
"Too err is human...to speed it up is a computers job ",
"Too many freaks, not enough circuses. ",
"Too many people say \"Yes\"... I just say \"Seven\"... ",
"Too much is always better than not enough ",
"Too much is always better than not enough. -Dobbs, 1957 ",
"Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines ",
"Tried and Tested Revolutionary Advance ",
"Troubled words of a troubled mind ",
"Trust me, everyone knows how to play air guitar... ",
"Truth is a one-eyed cripple, walking in the dark, trying to find a hot dog. ",
"Truth is what is left after all lies have been told. ",
"Try it Now... ",
"Try not... Do or do not... There is no try... -- Yoda ",
"Try to remember: three running steps before you take off. ",
"Trying is the first step towards failure. ",
"Turn on, log in, fight spam. ",
"Turn this thing off and go outside. ",
"Twice as good as a can of Raid! ",
"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do. ",
"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do... ",
"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left. ",
"Two wrongs is only the beginning. ",
"Type in something clever or funny or boring and bonk on the button. ",
"USA! For what you start trade war with Russia? ",
"Ug's Theory of Gravity: Things fall down. ",
"Uh, oh. My peril-sensitive sunglasses have just gone dark... ",
"Um, can I borrow your mom for a bit? ",
"Umm..., this is not my childhood home... ",
"Uncertainty can be a guiding light..... ",
"Unfortunately, no one can be told what Gopher is. You have to see it for yourself. ",
"Unichusetts of Massaversity ",
"Unique New York -- Unique New York -- Unique New York -- Unique New York ",
"Unix Is A User Friendly Operating System....It's Just Picky About Whose Its Friends Are. ",
"Ur, I was just cleaning it and it went off...? ",
"Use only as directed in the ReadMe file ",
"VRML will do for the web what 3D movies did for the film industry. -Me ",
"Vacuume Cleaner for computers: format C: ",
"Vaporizers don't vaporize Zarborians. Zarborians vaporize Zarborians. ",
"Very funny Scotty... Now beam down my clothes! ",
"Vini Verdi Visa: I came, I saw, I charged it. ",
"Vremia letit vpered, i my letim vmeste s nim... --M. Naumenko ",
"WARNING: Excessive use of mankind can enslave technology. ",
"WARNING: Only 16,707 Days left to accomplish your life goals! ",
"WINDOWS is not the question ! WINDOWS is the answer ! And the answer is NO ! ",
"WYSIAG - What You See Is A Gorilla ",
"Wabbit Season. Duck Season...Fire!!! ",
"Waiter, excuse me, waiter...there seems to be a bug in my browser... ",
"Watch it - You're trying my infinite patience! ",
"We are Pentium of Borg, devision is futile, you will be approximated. ",
"We are just packets in the internet of life... ",
"We are scientists. We are studying you. Please assist us. ",
"We are the Knights who say 'Free'! ",
"We could do it like the Other Guys: yesterday's technology, today, at tomorrow's prices! ",
"We have detected that you don't have a brain. Please install \"Mind 98\". ",
"We must view young people not as empty bottles to be filled, but as candles to be lit. ",
"We're the 4 in \"404 Not Found\" ",
"Welcome to Life 0.19 Beta (tm). Please pardon our apearance while we reorganize. ",
"What boots up... must come down. ",
"What can you accomplish by wading into a giant bowl of generic cereal with a 30-pound explosive device? ",
"What code? You mean that was a production machine? ",
"What color is a chameleon on a mirror? ",
"What did people do to cause accidents before cell phones? ",
"What grosses out Dung Beetles? ",
"What happens to innovation when the Borg die? Well, it turns out, we actually might have some then. ",
"What if there were no hypothetical questions? ",
"What is the sound of one mind screaming? ",
"What is this fly doing here in my monitor? ",
"What our ancestors would really be thinking, if they were alive today, is: \"Why is it so dark in here?\" ",
"What part of \"evil super mario brothers\" don't you understand? ",
"What were you expecting? A detailed explanation of why you suck from from Antonin Scalia? ",
"What you'll do tomorrow will cost you a day of your life. BTW, any plans? ",
"What your about to see is for your mouth only so close your eyes plug your ears and OPEN WIDE ",
"What're you doing here? Go out and get a life, son! ",
"What's all this shouting? We'll have no shouting here ... this is a LOCAL SHOP! ",
"What's with this Y2K thing ?? There weren't any problems at the last millenium change either... ",
"Whatever!!! The answer is, NO! ",
"Whats another word for thesaurus? ",
"Whats the difference between an elephant ? He can neither jump. ",
"When I answered where I wanted to go today, they just hung up. ",
"When I grow up I want to be a crash test dummy. ",
"When I was a lad, I served a term, as office boy, to an attorney's firm... ",
"When in an erotic story, do not put on boots you are unfamiliar with. ",
"When in danger or in doubt, run in circles scream and shout! -- Robert A. Heinlein ",
"When it comes to envy, y'all is green. Jealous of my code and my subroutine. ",
"When my kleptomania gets bad, I take something for it. ",
"When my wife wanted a pearl for her anniversary, shouldn't have taught her PERL. ",
"When our backs are against the wall, we shall turn and fight! - John Major ",
"When the bugs get tough, the tough take benzedrine. ",
"When the computer learns to speak natural English, all errors will become \"Excuse me?!?\" ",
"When you're dead, you've lost an important part of your life. -- Broke Shields ",
"When you're tempted to fight fire with fire, remember the fire department uses water. ",
"Where the leading edge meets the lunatic fringe ",
"Where's the ANY key? I see TAB, CiTaReL and PiGUP. -- Homer ",
"Wherever you go, there you are. -=thrasher=- ",
"Whining is for losers, and I HATE having to listen to them. ",
"Who needs action when you've got words? ",
"Who's General Failure and why's he reading my hard drive? ",
"Who's this General Failure guy, and why is he trying to read my hard drive? ",
"Whoa There CowBoy! I Think We Got Us A Situation Here! ",
"Whose cruel idea was it for the word \"lisp\" to have an \"s\" in it? ",
"Why #define PI 3.14159265358979? In case the value of PI ever changes. ",
"Why are you trying to fix all these bugs? Windows will make it crash anyway. ",
"Why can't you make a normal snowman ",
"Why couldn't the bike participate in the race? . . . Because it was too tired. ",
"Why did Jesus die on the cross? He forgot his safe word. ",
"Why did Kamakazi pilots wear helments? ",
"Why do I have the feeling that someday I'll be describing this to a psychiatrist? ",
"Why do people write these quips anyway? Don't they have anything better to do? ",
"Why do they call it rush hour when nobody moves? ",
"Why do they waste all that money installing 15 checkout lines and then only use two? ",
"Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway? ",
"Why does it smell so much worse, when you fart in the bathtub? ",
"Why doesn't anybody ever bash Cisco in these quips? ",
"Why fix it? Why?....good question. ",
"Why is everyone here talking about these insects with funny names? ",
"Why is it that i spend 40% of my time writing the DHTML, and 60% debugging it?! ",
"Why would you take the blue pill when you can go skateboarding with Francine? ",
"Works on my machine... ",
"Would it save both of us a lot of time if I just gave up and go crazy right now ? ",
"Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. ",
"Yikes that's a lot of bugs, better get out the fly swatter ",
"You are depriving a village somewhere of an idiot ",
"You are feeling hungry and tired. You really ought to have a meal about now. ",
"You are here, you should be over there, heres Waldo ",
"You can eat almost anything, but its generally best to stick with food... ",
"You can get something done 1.) Fast 2.) Right 3.) Cheap; pick two. No, Moz, you can't just pick 3.) ",
"You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think ",
"You can never add too much water to a nuclear reactor! - SNL ",
"You can save yourself the trouble, Doctor, everything reminds me of sex. ",
"You can tell he's bored - he's alphabetising his quips. ",
"You can't depend on your judgment when your imagination is out of focus - Mark Twain ",
"You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you. ",
"You can't go mucking with a 'void *' ",
"You know how dumb the average person is? Well, by definition, half of 'em are dumber than THAT. ",
"You know you've been using Linux too long when you wish you car were as reliable as your computer. ",
"You like the lizard more than me, dont you, Dave?? ",
"You mean it's not supposed to do that? ",
"You never know what will be your next headline. ",
"You think your Commodore 64 is pretty neat-o. What kinda chip you got in there, a Dorito? ",
"Your favorite bug has been identified, multiplied and added to the latest option pack. cheers. ",
"Your mouse has moved. Restart windows for the changes to take effect. ",
"Your village called, their idiot is missing ",
"Your weapon was manufactured by the lowest bidder. ",
"Zarro Boogs - The answer to life, the universe and everything. ",
"Zen master to hotdog vendor: \"Make me one with everything.\" ",
"Zonk, Zonk, Zonk. All you ever do is code ",
"[Dogfood Quip Of The Week(tm)] Mmm, this patte tastes wonderful... ",
"all bugs are shallow if public... and deeply hidden if private ",
"bash-2.02$ make love Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop. ",
"because my proxy server blocks all *://*.msn.* sites!! hahah!! ",
"buggy buggy bo buggy banana fana fo fuggy me my mo muggy - - - buggy ",
"don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive! ",
"e pluribus unix ",
"eagles may soar, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines. ",
"every one and every thing and every time. and lies. and lies. and lies. who will save us now? ",
"everyone always says you can see 54 everywhere. Well what about 69? ",
"for those of you watching in black and white, the Queen's hat is still blue ",
"gelatinous tubercules of purulent oscification ",
"give it up for the monkey, give it up for the monkey, give it up for the monkey ",
"guinness is good for you ",
"hey bar tender- hit me with your best shot ",
"his waxen wings did mount above his reach, till melting heavens conspired his overthrow - Dr Faustus ",
"how deep will be mankinds layer in the fossil record..? ",
"how many <alt><e>s does it take to end that task? ",
"iMac: never trust a product which is hyped on the basis of its packaging... ",
"if it ain't broke... then you ain't looking hard enough. ",
"if it works, don't break it. ",
"if only RAID made a spray for computers... ",
"if you save everything 'til the last minute, it only takes a minute ",
"in theory, there is no difference between theory & practice, but in practice, there is... ",
"istream >> ostream >> \"We all scream for ice cream\"; ",
"just try to realize the truth. there is no beast ",
"lie in the grass and die, Danny Boy! ",
"looks like he's about ready for another squeezin'... ",
"made with only the freshest elves. ",
"make config. not war. ",
"man who lay in front of car get tired, man who lay behind car get exhausted ",
"many is the slip twiz cup and lip ",
"me and my crew are better than you! ",
"money is not the measurement of wealth, wealth is measured by the friends you keep, but it does help. ",
"monkey's never quite see the light at the end of the evolutionary tunnel. go monkeys! ",
"oh god, I just killed everybody. now what? ",
"on the other hand, you have different fingers ",
"one for one, and all for none. reaping the seeds of sorrow failure crushed. ",
"optimize or die ",
"pay no attention to the man behind the browser.... ",
"programmer, hack thyself. ",
"randel, n.: A nonsensical poem recited by Irish schoolboys as anapology for farting at a friend. ",
"reckless and wild / they pour through the turns / their prowess is potent / and secretly stern ",
"roooxxxyyy is the beeestttt doooog innn tthehee wooorld! ",
"scott me up beamy ",
"secrets not spoken are secrets not broken ",
"segmentation fault when fixing fonts in preferences ",
"some day none of this will matter. you'll see. ",
"someone today looked at you weird, did you notice? ",
"sometimes you have to beat them to help them understand... ",
"statistics are like upskirts: what they show is suggestive, what they hide is vital ",
"the gamma factor equals one over the square root of one minus vee squared over see squared ",
"the last person on earth sat in his living room ... there was a nock at the door. ",
"the line must be drawn here, this far, no further ",
"the more i learn, the more i realize how little i know ",
"the number of the beast - vi vi vi ",
"the velocity of a moving object does NOT depend on its mass!!! ",
"there are two ways to write error-free programms. only the third one works! ",
"today is the last day of the worst of your life ",
"trust us we're entertainers ",
"try never to get drunk outside yr own house -jack kerouac ",
"use Me q(money, love, crutch); ",
"visualize whirled peas ",
"welcome to the monkeyhouse. ",
"where there is no hope there can be no fear ",
"who pays for your lies? who pays for your crimes? who pays for your pain? ",
"y'all got to get up on dreamcast - Ice Cube on The Daily Show ",
"you believed in all your lies, didn't you? didn't you? ",
"you can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead ",
"your lizard ate my penguin ",
"your smile is stretching but you're gonna go far ",
"Your file was so big. It might be very useful. But now it is gone. ",
"The website you seek Cannot be located, but Countless more exist. ",
"Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent and reboot. Order shall return. ",
"Aborted effort. Close all that you have worked on. You ask far too much. ",
"Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No-one hears your screams. ",
"Yesterday it worked. Today it is not working. Windows is like that. ",
"Stay the patient course. Of little worth is your ire. The network is down. ",
"A crash reduces Your expensive computer To a simple stone. ",
"Three things are certain: Death, taxes and lost data. Guess which has occurred. ",
"You step in the stream, But the water has moved on. This page is not here. ",
"Out of memory. We wish to hold the whole sky, But we never will. ",
"Having been erased, The document you're seeking Must now be retyped. ",
"I ate your Web page. Forgive me; it was tasty And tart on my tongue ",
"AppleScript isn't fit to eat Python's Vomit-Omelette ",
"i have no capslock and i must scream ",
"Buffaloes are bullies. ",
"Who decides whether something is clever of funny or boring enough to get on the quip list? ",
"Democracy: When two wolfes and a sheep vote about what they should have for dinner... ",
"Welease Bwian! ",
"Konstigt, det funkade ju i morse... ",
"\"As if!\" -- Alicia Silverstone in Clueless ",
"Trust no one! (Fox Mulder, The X Files) ",
"It's not what you do but who you do it with that matters! ",
"Come to the dark side, Luke - use LISP! ",
"So that's what an invisible wall looks like. ",
"No one likes a math geek, Scully. -- Fox Mulder, X Files ",
"Particle Man, Particle Man, doing the things a particle can... ",
"Dude! You're getting a Dell! ",
"What is the speed of dark? ",
"Wer andre in die Mse beisst, ist bse meist! ",
"I was Linux when Linux wasn't cool. ",
"'you can never know what is meant by \"A Bug's Life\"' -- anonymous ",
"\"Can you see there are plenty of bugs in the stomach of the lizard ?\" ",
"Why go to high school, when you can go to school high? ",
"To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer ",
"Buy low, sell when high. ",
"Hey, it hurts when I do this. Well don't do that. ",
"The fish flies at midnight. ",
"(croud goes wild) ",
"chmod a+x /bin/Laden ; exec /bin/Laden ",
"Reading this text has had some sort of effect on you. Feel special. ",
"Very funny Scotty. Now beam down my clothes. ",
"Don't take life too seriously - you won't get out alive. ",
"Hey! They actually solved my bug... OPEN SOURCE - Live free or die. ",
"Baby: The Other White Meat. ",
"repent and stuff, the end is nigh ",
"This is the last time I'm gonna tell you... ",
"Chance favors the prepared mind ",
"Confucious says \"He who falls on dead rooster, goes down on limp cock\" ",
"A rhinoceros is a horse designed by Micro$oft ",
"Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. ",
"If I could just find a midget with some gin I'ld be in business. ",
"cry, but dun die. moz, but dun ie. ",
"for love(of hate) will bind us all.. ",
"trying to solve everyone's problem end up solving no one problem. vice versa. ",
"All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand. ",
"Anhydrous quip. Poor 100ml of water into monitor to rehydrate. ",
"Anhydrous quote. Poor 100ml of water into monitor to rehydrate. ",
"If you're not confused, you're not paying attention. ",
"Smith & Wesson - The original point and click interface. ",
"How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest? - They Take The Psycho Path.",
"How Do You Get Holy Water? - You Boil The Hell Out Of It.",
"What Do Fish Say When They Hit A Concrete Wall? - Dam!",
"What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice Too Long? - Polaroids",
"What Do You Call A Boomerang That Doesn't work? - A Stick.",
"What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? - Nacho Cheese.",
"What Do You Call Santa's Helpers? - Subordinate Clauses.",
"What Do You Get From A Pampered Cow? - Spoiled Milk.",
"What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? - A Nervous Wreck.",
"Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils? - Because They Have Big Fingers.",
"Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? - Because It Scares The Dog.",
"How Are A Texas Tornado And A Tennessee Divorce The Same? -Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer",
"100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?",
"42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.",
"99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.",
"A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.",
"A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.",
"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.",
"A closed mouth gathers no foot.",
"A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.",
"A day without sunshine is like, night.",
"A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.",
"A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.",
"All generalizations are false, including this one.",
"All men are idiots, and I married their King.",
"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.",
"Always try to be modest and be proud of it!",
"Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.",
"Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.",
"Assassins do it from behind.",
"Atheism is a non-prophet organization.",
"Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.",
"Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.",
"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.",
"Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore.",
"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.",
"Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.",
"Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks",
"Borrow money from a pessimist, they don't expect it back.",
"Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!",
"C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.",
"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.",
"Chocolate: the OTHER major food group.",
"Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.",
"Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!",
"Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass?",
"Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy.",
"Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?",
"Death is hereditary.",
"Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?",
"Did anyone see my lost carrier?",
"Diplomacy is the art of saying good doggie while looking for a bigger stick.",
"Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.",
"Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.",
"Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.",
"Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.",
"Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.",
"Double your drive space. Delete Windows!",
"Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.",
"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.",
"Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery.",
"Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.",
"Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.",
"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?",
"Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.",
"Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.",
"Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.",
"Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.",
"For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.",
"For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.",
"Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.",
"Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.",
"Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate.",
"Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.",
"Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and you had best do what you're told.",
"Get a new car for your spouse; it'll be a great trade!",
"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.",
"Give me ambiguity or give me something else.",
"Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.",
"Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.",
"He who laughs last thinks slowest.",
"Honk if you love peace and quiet.",
"Honk if you want to see my finger.",
"How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?",
"How does Teflon stick to the pan?",
"How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.",
"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.",
"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.",
"I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.",
"I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.",
"I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.",
"I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.",
"I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.",
"I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?",
"I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.",
"I took an IQ test and the results were negative.",
"I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.",
"I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.",
"I used to have a handle on life, and then it broke.",
"I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.",
"I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.",
"I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.",
"I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.",
"I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!",
"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.",
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.",
"If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.",
"If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?",
"If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.",
"If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!",
"If you can't convince them, confuse them.",
"If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?",
"If you get to it and you can't do it, well there you jolly well are, aren't you.",
"If you haven't much education you must use your brain.",
"If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.",
"If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.",
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.",
"IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.",
"It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.",
"It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.",
"It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.",
"It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.",
"It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.",
"Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.",
"Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.",
"Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them.",
"Keep honking. I'm reloading.",
"Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.",
"Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control.",
"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.",
"Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.",
"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.",
"Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.",
"Montana: At least our cows are sane!",
"More hay, Trigger? No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!",
"Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.",
"My hockey mom can beat up your soccer mom.",
"My mind is like a steel trap, rusty and illegal in 37 states.",
"Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.",
"Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.",
"Never mess up an apology with an excuse.",
"Never miss a good chance to shut up.",
"Never test the depth of the water with both feet.",
"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.",
"No one is listening until you make a mistake.",
"Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!",
"Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check?",
"On the other hand, you have different fingers.",
"Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.",
"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.",
"Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.",
"Plan to be spontaneous, tomorrow.",
"Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.",
"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.",
"Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.",
"Quickly, I must hurry, for there go my people and I am their leader.",
"Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.",
"Remember half the people you know are below average.",
"Save the whales. Collect the whole set",
"Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date!",
"Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.",
"Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.",
"Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.",
"Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.",
"Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.",
"Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.",
"Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.",
"Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.",
"Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!",
"Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have.",
"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Finland. Now Santa Claus is missing.",
"The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.",
"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.",
"The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.",
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.",
"The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.",
"The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.",
"The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.",
"The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.",
"The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER",
"The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.",
"The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.",
"The shortest distance between two points is under construction.",
"The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.",
"The universe is a figment of its own imagination. There's no future in time travel.",
"There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.",
"There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.",
"There's too much blood in my caffeine system.",
"Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.",
"Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of its students.",
"Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.",
"Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.",
"To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.",
"To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.",
"Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.",
"Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.",
"Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.",
"We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?",
"We were born naked, wet and hungry. Then things got worse.",
"Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!",
"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?",
"What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?",
"What's the speed of dark?",
"When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.",
"When there's a will, I want to be in it.",
"When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.",
"Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?",
"Who stopped payment on my reality check?",
"Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?",
"Why is abbreviation such a long word?",
"Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?",
"Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.",
"You are depriving some poor village of its idiot.",
"You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.",
"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.",
"You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!",
"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.",
"I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.",
"Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. \"Yes\" is the answer.",
"Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.",
"We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.",
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.",
"The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.",
"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.",
"If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.",
"Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.",
"We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.",
"War does not determine who is right - only who is left.",
"Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.",
"Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut up.",
"Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.",
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.",
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.",
"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.",
"Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.",
"Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.",
"If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...",
"To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.",
"If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.",
"If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?",
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.",
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.",
"How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?",
"A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..",
"Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.",
"Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?",
"A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.",
"I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.",
"Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.",
"Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says \"If an emergency, notify:\" I put \"DOCTOR\". What's my mother going to do?",
"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian",
"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.",
"I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.",
"I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with \"Guess\" on it...so I said \"Implants?\"",
"The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.",
"Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?",
"The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.",
"God must love stupid people. He made SO many.",
"Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.",
"Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.",
"Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.",
"Some people say \"If you can't beat them, join them\". I say \"If you can't beat them, beat them\", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.",
"Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?",
"Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.",
"You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.",
"The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!",
"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.",
"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.",
"Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.",
"Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.",
"It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.",
"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.",
"Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.",
"He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.",
"A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.",
"We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.",
"Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.",
"My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.",
"Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.",
"When in doubt, mumble.",
"I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.",
"I intend to live forever. So far, so good.",
"Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.",
"A little boy asked his father, \"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?\" Father replied, \"I don't know son, I'm still paying.\"",
"Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.",
"Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.",
"My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.",
"Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.",
"Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.",
"I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.",
"I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.",
"I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.",
"I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.",
"Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.",
"There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.",
"I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.",
"You're never too old to learn something stupid.",
"When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.",
"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.",
"I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, \"I'm going to mop the floor with your face.\" I said, \"You'll be sorry.\" He said, \"Oh, yeah? Why?\" I said, \"Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.\"",
"Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.",
"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?",
"With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.",
"To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.",
"A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.",
"Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.",
"A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.",
"If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?",
"Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.",
"If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!",
"A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.",
"Hallmark Card: \"I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here.\"",
"Whoever coined the phrase \"Quiet as a mouse\" has never stepped on one.",
"If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.",
"Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.",
"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.",
"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'. Need I say more?",
"After (M)onday and (T)uesday even the week says WTF !!",
"Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?",
"What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins \"Once upon a time...\" A southern fairytale begins \"Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit...\"",
"George washington said \"We would have a black president when pigs fly!\"... well, swine flu.",
"I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.",
"Haikus are easy. But sometimes they don't make sense. Refrigerator.",
"I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.",
"When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.",
"The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.",
"Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.",
"If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer...oh wait, he does.",
"Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.",
"Deja Vu - When you think you're doing something you've done before, it's because God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends.",
"Life's a bitch, 'cause if it was a slut, it'd be easy.",
"Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.",
"I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.",
"Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.",
"You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.",
"Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.",
"Girls are like roads, more the curves, more the dangerous they are.",
"Does time fly when you're having sex or was it really just one minute?",
"Who was the first to see a cow and think \"I wonder what will happen if I squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?\"",
"You know, they got a luggage store in the airport? A place to buy a piece of luggage? How late do you have to be for a flight where you're like, 'Fuck it - just grab a pile of shit. We'll get a bag at the airport'.",
"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.",
"Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?",
"Well aren't you a waste of two billion years of evolution.",
"If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven't completely understood the situation.",
"Without nipples, breasts would be pointless.",
"If you can't convince them, confuse them.",
"The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.",
"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.",
"If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.",
"By the time a man realises that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong.",
"America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.",
"To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.",
"Money talks...but all mine ever says is good-bye.",
"They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.",
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.",
"Isn't it odd the way everyone automatically assumes that the goo in soap dispensers is always soap? I like to fill mine with mustard, just to teach people a lesson in trust.",
"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.",
"I don't have an attitude; I have a personality you can't handle.",
"By the time you learn the rules of life, you're too old to play the game.",
"Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things.",
"The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.",
"Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.",
"It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.",
"Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.",
"Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.",
"We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour",
"Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?",
"I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, \"Well, that's not going to happen.\"",
"There are three kinds of people: The ones who learn by reading. The ones who learn by observation. And the rest of them who have to touch the fire to learn it's hot.",
"Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.",
"If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between \"shit\" and \"syphilis\"",
"Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.",
"Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?",
"We have all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.",
"The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. All the winners are from Earth.",
"I don't have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.",
"Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot them?",
"Impotence: Nature's way of saying \"No hard feelings\".",
"You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.",
"Materialism: buying things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people that don't matter.",
"People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.",
"The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.",
"I have all the money I'll ever need - if I die by 4:00 p.m. today.",
"Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?",
"Join The Army, visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.",
"Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?",
"Life's like a bird, it's pretty cute until it shits on your head.",
"I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.",
"A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognised.",
"The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.",
"Why is it called Alcoholics ANONYMOUS when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic'?",
"When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?",
"Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.",
"Alcohol doesn't solve any problems...but then again, neither does milk.",
"I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'",
"No one is listening until you fart.",
"Vegetarian: Native American definition for \"lousy hunter\".",
"The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.",
"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.",
"Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?",
"1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.",
"Two years ago I married a lovely young virgin, and if that doesn't change soon, I'm gonna divorce her.",
"Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.",
"Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.",
"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.",
"100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?",
"Only dead fish go with the flow.",
"For every action, there is a corresponding over-reaction.",
"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper.",
"What if there were no hypothetical questions?",
"Everything is edible, some things are only edible once.",
"Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?",
"Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.",
"True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable.",
"They call it \"pms\" because \"mad cow disease\" was already taken.",
"People can be divided into three groups: Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what happened.",
"A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.",
"The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is in the taste.",
"Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.",
"It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.",
"Don't steal. That's the government's job.",
"Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.",
"Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege!",
"What is the most important thing to learn in chemistry? Never lick the spoon.",
"Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.",
"I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.",
"A friend is someone who will help you move. A GOOD friend is someone who will help you move a dead body.",
"Women should not have children after 35. Really... 35 children are enough.",
"I'm a humble person, really. I'm actually much greater than I think I am.",
"There are two kinds of friends : those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you.",
"Why is a bra singular and panties plural?",
"The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.",
"I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.",
"How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!",
"Lite: the new way to spell \"Light,\" now with 20% fewer letters!",
"Who lit the fuse on your tampon?",
"Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.",
"If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.",
"There are no winners in life...only survivors.",
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me... they were cramming for their finals.",
"The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.",
"Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness.",
"Archeologist: someone whose carreer lies in ruins.",
"Do you want to speak to the manager or someone who know's what's going on?",
"The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.",
"Without ME, it's just AWESO.",
"A committee is twelve men doing the work of one.",
"Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.",
"Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster with more energy!",
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.",
"Silence doesn't mean your sexual performance left her speechless.",
"I'm in shape. Round is a shape isn't it?",
"Strangers have the best candy.",
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.",
"Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts.",
"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.",
"If the number 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still number 2?",
"\"Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit\" as said by those incapable of its proper application and as such suffer from it a lot.",
"Wise people think all they say, fools say all they think.",
"Roses are red violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic and so am I.",
"I think, therefore I'm single.",
"Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?",
"Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one.",
"To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girlfriends.",
"To do is to be [Descartes]. To be is to do [Voltaire]. Do be do be do [Frank Sinatra].",
"One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.",
"Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes.",
"Funny how a dollar can look so big when you take it to church, and so small when you take it to the store.",
"If you do not say it, they can't repeat it.",
"She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.",
"It's O.K. to laugh during sex ... just don't point !",
"If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.",
"A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago.",
"Don't play stupid with me - I'm better at it.",
"How can men use sex to get what they want? Sex IS what they want.",
"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.",
"They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what? Who's in a hurry ?",
"If at first you don't succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.",
"Those who say they \"sleep like a baby\", haven't got one.",
"Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking.",
"I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.",
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.",
"Fifty-six percent of all women carry condoms. The other 44% carry babies.",
"I ran into my ex the other day, hit reverse, and ran into him again.",
"I pretend to work as long as they pretend to pay me.",
"I thought I was wrong once, but it turns out I was mistaken.",
"Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.",
"Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.",
"Americans have different ways of saying things. They say \"elevator\", we say \"lift\"... they say \"President\", we say \"stupid psychopathic git\".",
"Sex is like software: For every one who pays for it there are hundreds getting it for free.",
"Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with."
};
}
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